Decisions

The altercation in the mind is only but a silent killer that awakes from the inside and would well be hidden through the phase of life. It goes about unnoticed, subtle yet real. Often leading to despondency , oblivious to what had been the cause of it. Sufficiency of reason depletes as the altercation grows louder and louder and a cry from the inside screams out for peace ..in the mind. The birth of indecisiveness and irrationality soon becomes apparent. Adversary of oneself becomes the toughest challenge in life. Decisions ,no doubt chooses the journey and the pathway of life.

Decisions is always a constant struggle. Dilemma was becoming more of a friend. But as the sequential movements of events in what we measure as 'time' soon passes, and the facets of life scrutinized from hindsight, It becomes more obvious of the fact that choices and decisions made are in no relation to age but relates directly to the maturity of a person. The scale of decision making suddenly becomes subjective to the individual . It becomes like a thumbprint that everyone would have a different character, a different anxiety, a different goal, a different motive to every decision making. Although the decision might somewhat  similar to another person, but if circumstances ,sequence of events and emotions were taken into consideration, it is a whole new, different decision altogether.

If this is true, then is it not also true that no one would be able to FULLY comprehend what another is going through?Maybe it is possible  to a certain extend , but to take everything else into consideration, the greatest degree of understanding would never be achievable by a mere human being. The life gone through is a masterpiece itself.

Who then do we turn to?Who then do we seek? 

Maybe, just maybe...thats why we need God.

Thats just me, but most importantly what do you think?

You are near

Ok its time to unleash the song i composed more than a year ago 

It was composed on 30th November 2007. Its still in my old blog post.=)

If you guys want to have a look at the old post CLICK HERE

Let me know what you guys think =)

You can stream it from here

Or download it  from the link below

You are near.mp3

Christmas carol *UPdated version*

A Christmas present for all of u,

unedited,fresh, no digital effects,

just a lousy laptop mic, a guitar and me =)

*UPDATED VERSION -10.40am  17/12/08*

You can stream it from here

Or download it (clearer) from the link below

O Holy night.mp3

The profiler

The art of studying a person's character, the movements, response, eye contact , posture ,speech and most importantly change in character provides enough information to depict one's character, one's lifestyle, one's weakness, one's strength. It is a personality test , not of verbal or written response in honesty but of unconscious actions.

The more observation time given, the more history there would be to leak out along the way. Picture paints a thousand words, what more if it is live in action. The mistake or rather the weakness of this art is that too much assumption is done on the character of who they will be in the future or potentially be. Mind would start to turn potentiality into something that is certain which is dangerous as we give no room for change. 

This gift was further developed through the game of chess. As prediction of opponents move could be done 8 moves ahead of the opponents mind. Which means, nothing the opponent can do would surprise me in the next 16 steps as I have already seen it coming. 

Guess now it has become apart of me, to discern, predict and anticipate movements and actions of others. The sad part = rarely am I surprised. Why is it sad? surprise is a part of life.

The setback of possessing this ability is that sometimes weakness of another is magnified over strength as more concern is being put in that area. This way, Ill never get to meet my Miss perfect . hahahah. God, 7 more months and I would have faithfully completed my deal =). 

WOw..its october!!!

Wow...its october already.

Man...what a journey this year has been.

I dare to stand here and say there is no one in my circle people that I know am going through the stuff I go through. And I boast about it because now I know what it is like to fully rely on God's strength and not my own. I learnt it not because I was willing to but more of me being put in a situation where all my strength has been drained and I have no other source to depend on. You know how we have so much head knowledge about God, Im telling ya that it is nothing until you have experienced it.

Lets start with my job.I work at least 25 hours a week on a uni day and 45-50 hours a week on a holiday. You see, if people were to just have a job with that amount of hours, they would be tired by the end of the day.

Then comes church. Well we're pioneering a church so were pretty much heavily involved in building up the church.Lets see... monday night bible study, weds night prayer meeting, friday night youth, Sunday Service. I guess my focus has been the music ministry and leading the youth group to a greater dimension.

Then there is studies. Well to be frank, I dont have time for studies.not that im lazy, but I really dont! ahha . Exam is tomorrow, I just started studying yesterday. ahah!

Well so to summarize my time,

Monday - (9-6pm) uni and work. (8-10pm) bible study

Tuesday -  (9-6pm) uni and work. (7-10pm) giving tuition

Wednesday -  (9-6pm) uni and work. (8-10pm) prayer meeting

Thursday -  (9-6pm) uni and work. (rest of the day) planning for youth.practice for worship

Friday -  (9-6pm) uni and work. (7-10pm) Pick people up for Youth, and have youth after.

Saturday -( 9-5pm) Work. (rest of the day) practice for Sunday worship.

Sunday - (3-5pm) Setup hall for service (5-7pm) Service

I told God, "I really need your strength as I am not doing this for myself but all this, literally all of this is for you. I am going to give you my all and I know you will take care of my studies for me.Ive been doing it all this while, but this time the test is even greater and I am fully dependent on you for strength and wisdom.By Human strength  I might survive for one month with this schedule, but for the rest of the year...I need you."

And before I know it ....Its october now!!! ANd you know what, I am not tired but I feel that I have alot more left in me. and everything has been working great ever since. 

I got a promotion in the job, my credibility and influence has increased. Church has been growing ever since especially with the youth  doubling every couple of months. Studies wise, I thank God for the results he gave me for semester one...couldnt be happier. For this semester...I still have to rely on Him, but I know He will not fail me as long as I keep my focus on Him. 

=)

Fathers Day

I found that amusing..ahha

Something i realized.... if i fall sick and dont work out for7 days in a row, my abs would just disappear!! Its Amazing at how long u take for it to get there...and how fast it could just disappear. It is not as permanent as Biceps. biceps stay there regardless. lol

Father's day is approaching.... Wonder how it feels like to be a father watching your own child grow. Wonder how it feels like to see your own child fail/succeed in life. Wonder how much it would hurt a father to see his child humbled by life. Wonder how much more pressure a father would feel to have his child do well in their studies.Wonder how it would feel like if your child does not return home from scholl and theres no way of cantacting him/her. Wonder what it feels like to nurture your own child your whole life and let him/her go approaching adulthood. Wonder what it feels like to be a dad.....

Do i blame dad's for nagging,disciplining and putting pressure on kids? I dont think I will. As much as I hate it as a child, I would probably end up doing the same thing. I guess as a child you wouldnt understand how a dad would feel until you become one.

May all dad's have a blessed fathers day this Sunday! =)

Happy Fathers day!(in advance)

Wednesday..

I have a 1500 word essay due on fri. I havent started on it.I thought to myself maybe I'll skip uni on thursday to do the essay.Besides that, I was feeling great.Was looking forward to all-you-can-eat-sushi on thurs nite with 4 gals...ahem...well my work colleaugues ahem.Wonder y we're not employing any guys at my shop. ahah. I shared during prayer meeting and challenged the adults to be a support to the youth and how nurturing their passion for God is important. NIght ended well, but i was beginning to feel sick. I was starting to shiver....

Thursday...

One more day for my assignment to be handed in. Havent started on it. Diddnt get enough sleep. Was tossing and turning through the night. Head felt like it was gonna burst.Was shivering through the night.Woke up to find myself down with fever. Neck was strained. Each time i cough it just added a sudden motion jerk that sends a signal to my brain nerves to strain. It was excruciating. I was fighting the battle that only exhausted myself. by 7am with my eyes still open, grimacing in pain, I called my dad in to pray for me.that was sweet i thought. havent had that happen in a long time. I went to the doctor to get the MC. Doctor gave me two days of MC. now I have an excuse to hand in my assignment late? I missed out on the sushi thingy btw. I was in agony. By 7pm, I still had not consume anything besdes panadols. I had no appetite for water or food. And I was vomitting. It was getting worse.

Friday....

I slept outside in the living hall this time. Slept sitting up. Couldnt lie down as i felt the urge to puke each time i was lying down.I woke up feeling fresh. no more fever. Slight headahe but i can deal with that. I just need more rest. Assignment is due. I e-mailed the lecturer to let her know my situation.I was still coughing but I can deal with it. Its not excruciating, its just irritating.Also prepared the songs for Sunday as I'm worship leading. Changed the chords with steph's help and type it up and e-mailed out.At about 1-3am was watching "ah long"...LOVED IT.. with hannah, steph and veryn. *Steph was snoring half the time...haha jk*

Saturday....

Recovering...but not fully recovered. Diddnt go for youthalive concert in an attempt to recover properly.I want to give my best to God on Sunday. Lecturer just e-mailed back granting me an extension to until Monday wishing me the best in my recovery =) . Currently starting on my assignment. 

Sunday..

is gonna be a blast. Last week was a fun night with the launch of our new church. This week, this week, we're taking it another level higher. God, as I am weak in body now, empower and strengthen me so that you may be glorified above all else.

Update!!!

OK if u guys are wondering how hannah and steph are doing..... i think these pic explains it all!!!

ahah....more pics were taken but some needs to be censored....LOL

this was after the launching of the new church..woot!

CHANGE

Everything is different, everything is changing.

Church.I used to observe but now Im more involved than ever.wednesdays fridays and sundays. Guitaring,worship leading, backup singing, sharing, planning.I want to do more! but what? I dont want to burnout nor do i want to maintain the fire.I want to burn bigger and brighter

Studies. I used to excell but now im struggling to be at the top. im nowhere near the top. I need help. I need time to study. I need the mood to study. I thought i was good until i found myself in a class of melbourne nerds.

Work. I used to enjoy my work with my colleagues but now everyone has left and now its a new set of people.everyones new.I cant fit in. I force myself to work. Everyone(esp the new manager) is dependant on me for the performance of the store. I like it but i Dont. I want to concentrate on my studies.

Hold me close,

Let your love surrounds me,

bring me near,

draw me to your side,

as i wait,

ill rise up like a eagle,

and i will soar with you,

your spirit leads me on,

by the power of your love.

My account of my birthday....

SO my 1st birthday wish started 30 minutes before the clock striked 12. She called and it was cool catching up on the long lost years that we've been apart.SHe has her life now...i have mine .Although we are living in two different countries , it still fails to change the care-free chat that we would always have.to chat just about anything...everything. It was great, refreshing and certainly assuring that there are still people around who still have my back.

By 12am, the influx of sms came in with the constant beeping of my phone while i was still on the phone. Even after I got off the phone at half past 12 the messages were ruining my sleep...up till 2am.Do i mind? no...Its nice to be loved...to feel loved..... thanks every one.....disturb me anytime you want.....anytime!


I awoke the next day, did my usual routines and headed off to berwick to pick her up. It was raining. I thankedGod for cooling down my day and I told God thats about enough...I think I need sunshine now =). And so ...sunshine it was! Upon reaching my destination, there it was ...God's gift....A perfectly semicircle rainbow majestically arrayed in the sky. I looked up to the heavens and said "so that was what the early rain was for? thanks for going through so much trouble God...I really appreciate it....Its a birthday gift Man can never make...but only God can."
Thank you God, for making me feel special today.

We then had a movie and dinner after.I was spoilt.really.For the first time, I diddnt come out a cent. yes, my first time. THANKS.

then people started calling in wiching happy birthday....ahhhaha its great to feel special even if it is for one day.I guss if you get this everyday...you wouldnt feel special anymore.

then it was night....i had my youth meeting on.It was awesome...fantastic.... The atmosphere was great. I had candles, cake....and a birthday song. I had hugs...and lotsa love. Youth has been a very encouraging source and is certainly playing a big role in my growth and walk with God.

We started at 8, and ended at 12. No one wanted to leave....it was just great company and I miss them already. Now we have 15 and should be hitting 20 by july or august. God will provide.
God, I pray that you can be real to them as you are so real to me.Make them feel special just like you have always done to me. LEt your favour be so evident upon their lives that theres only one person to point the glory back which is to you oh God. LOve you.

*P.s not forgeting those who came on msn and also those who left their wishes via e-mail, facebook friendster and also those who called me up at various times through the day....THANKS HEAPS!*

Just for you God

The more i look at it, the more frustrated i AM. Give me patience God. Teach me to love because out of my will, I cant. The more frustrated I am .....the more I am at the verge of giving up. At that very edge, I lose all hope, I lose all strength.....I began to take a second look. The more I look at it, the more similarities I see in me.

I see me in it. Thank you God for opening my eyes to see things that I would never have known if it wasnt for this.Break it Lord, I strive for perfection, perfection in character because I want to be the best for you.Show me more O lord.

TEach me forgiveness and teach me rebuke at the same time. Neither strong on one nor weak on another. Teach me joyfullness and compassion.Teach me dependability and independence.Teach me Patience and courage. Teach me contentment and diligence. Never let one be stronger than another.

All I want....and all I ever need from you is for you to look down smilin and say "well done son."
Ill make you a proud father.

JAP FOOOD

We had an all you can eat JAp food!!!!! wahahaha like seriously all-you can eat....... and it was jap. haha well im back and working agan. Introducing my team at Clayton...

From left: Jon, me , siew , fay

The cup

I gazed thoughtfully at my cup. It was big, glossy on the outside with artistic streaks of lines lined randomly. It was a nice cup, In fact it caught my attention as I walked in the store. I held the cup in my hands, unsure if I should put it back on the shelf. Should I do my shopping 1st and come back later for the cup? Maybe I'll find something better than this....

I inspected the cup thoroughly. It had the potential to hold large amounts of liquids. It was larger at the top in contrast to the base of the cup.It wasnt very stable. But then I ask myself why do i need a new cup? Do i really need it? It looked good on the outside but on the inside...there were stains. Has someone used itbefore? BUt it looked good....maybe I could just buy it and wash it up later. Are the stains permanent? Or can they be removed?

Should I just take the cup and attempt to wash it up? What if the stains dont go? will I still keep it?Will I look for another cup or do I just keep washing it in hope that one day the stain will go.The more i thought about it the longer i was holding the cup. The longer i held the cup, the more people thought it was mine.Should I just put it back and find something cleaner to save me the trouble of washing? Or was I being too fussy?

what do I do?

Life as a game of chess

I remember being naive of the pieces i was moving across the board. I moved each piece in sequence of what i thought should be the right move.I never thought more about it. Each move i made were just a mere understanding of which direction it is capable of moving.

Then i moved on and realise that there was more to it.I could actually win this thing. I had an idea in my head and I carelessly moved the pieces awaiting the glorious moment of saying "checkmate" and looking at the opponent staring blankly at the board.Of course there were times when i would be at the oter end of it sighing my way out of my seat.

As i progressed further, I got better at it. I could now anticipate not 2 not 3 not 4...but 12 moves ahead.That was at the very pinicle of my game. Not only could I anticipate but I could move pieces suttly enough to beat the very best at their game. My game could not be anticipated.why? its unorthodoxed. Making them play they way I want them to play, an unfamiliar territory is where they are most vulnerable at. Making them unsecure with an unfamiliar game play, its impossible to predict the next move.Before you know it, the pieces are restricted and have limited movement while i bask in the vastness of mobility.

Then slowly the game shows up, the plan surfaces. ideas 12 moves before were now in placed and going for another 12 moves ahead. They see it but its too late to do anything about it now.

Life unknowingly is awfully similar to the game of chess. Every move represents a decision. Sometimes a sacrifice is required to achieve a higher goal.Sometimes we make decisions based on anticipation of what the consequences would be and sometimes based on a gut feeling. Its a matter of weather you let life control you, or let life be at your control.Break free from setreotypical ways of playing the game and go unorthodox. Why let life decide for you when you can decide for it? The timers been hit and its your move!

Take me away

Take me far far away,
to the place they always say,
oh do take me there today,
please PLease make a way,

Im tired, im exhausted ,
more than that im frustrated,
but God youre always there,
to remind me that you care,

thanks for the stars once again,
thanks for moon to light my lane,
thanks for the opportunity to serve,
thanks for your guidance above,

Youre always there beside me,
through rough seas you carry me,
Amazing how youre always there for me,
I love you as much as you love me. =)

busybusybusy

it was a busy busy week. Thought i had enough of work and studies(and dates) to juggle with....now with steph down here, haha i have to sueeze abit of time for her =p.

Well it was worth it.AT least i had an excuse to go out. If it wasnt for her, my feet would be cemented to my room floor doing assignments. Well, now im still in a rush to complete it but hey, i found time to have fun ~! =)

busy busy busy, everyone who is aware of my weekly schedule will kow what im talking about.

uni is 5 days a week 9-6 with breaks in between

i squeeze bout 30 hours of work a week

the remaining hours i have is basically for dinner and also my sleeping time.

if im lucky, i'll get 3-4 hours a week to do my homework.

surprisingly i managed to squeeze 6 hours this week for luxury purposes at the expense of my homework hours. But it was worth it.(at least i hope it is until i get my results lol)

Cheers

things got better..or did it?

Well...i dont know if this is a good thing....
I just got an assistant manager post...which means my salary will change...
but...theres a catch to it. i have to work 20 hrs a week.

well i can do that but hey, its gonna be full on work + study everyday from 9-6pm from now.
is that worth it? i hope...

i need strength to carry on....
when im weak..u make me strong.

MArch!!

March was just an extraordinary month for me...

I received...

50 dollars voucher - highest sales
50 dollars voucher - rated extraordinary by a mystery shopper
20 dollars + 10 dollars voucher - highest sales in one day ( thanks nikki )

Its funny cuz i dont talk much back in malaysia...and over here i talk too much..haha
who wouldve thought of sean doing sales seriously.... haha

maybe this could be my permanent job and i shld just quit radiography...ahahha

anyway...evrything is just running so smoothly..~! woooooo

God is great!

wow....what a weeek!!

managing a shop is fun....well, at least its something different for a change..
there's always something new to learn, hence it kills the mundane routine of my job.

something that would be a surprise to some of u ......ive 10 dollars left out of the 190 dollars worth of credit i had....and its 2 more weeks before the billing cycle rolls over. i think i need a higher cap lol.....or the skype phone! i need that freee 4000 minutes a month.

gosh...im bringing my job everywhere i go! enough sean...enough!

well today was funny....we were in the anatomy lab where there were bags of dead ppl....and some parts that were cut up were laying on the table. well....while i was carrying a limb from one place to another....i spilled some fluid that was in the tray holding the limb onto this other girl...ahha.... !!!

well im currently balancing my studies....my job and the newly pioneered church....
considering my studies is 5 days a week....and my job is during my breaks.....thats a full day from monday to saturday for me.... i still hv to slot in church into saturday and sunday....and somehow i still manage to slot in dates in bewteen some weekdays. Im just exhausted...i nee a break..but i wont get it... when uni break starts....my clicnical placement starts....so basically...i have no breaks this year....go sean! u'll make it thru somehow.....

other than that....it has been great.... u noe those times when u go thru the downs of life....there is always a time when it goes up again and u reap the rewards for it? well theres that time now.... but i know tests and struggles would be coming my way again and I dont wanna be to contented in this environment and not be on my guard for the tough times ahead. whatever the situation is, nothing ever changes the fact that God is great and is greatly to be praised!

Homeless guy

today was probably one of the most fulfilling day i have ever had...

Mel and I left the planet shakers church to talk to this homeless guy by the road side...we ended up talking for 2 hours. Ive learned so much from him. How life can be so simple and yet we complicate it.

We offered to bring him out for lunch but he diddnt want to. SO we just sat at the stairs and had our chat there. Lovely guy!

We learn about how life has taken his toll on him...how he got into drugs. We talked about his family...his life...his perspective of life....

He is a wise guy i must say...He is very knowledgable... He talks about the way different organisations run in the city. The way they help homeless people etc. How pointless some of them are and how he enjoys different kinds of approach...

Sitting down and having a chat with him was probably one of the most meaning ful times ive had.If ever any1 drops by the old abandoned salvation army building...near parliament station...there is a guy there by the stairs under a tree...his name is Darren... say hi for me. He's a lovely guy to talk to!

We diddnt bring him to church but we brought the church to him =).

God is great!

randomzz

ok i woke up in the morning.....with my blinds still shut. turned on the computer and adjusted my laptop camera. This was how it was before... And this is how it is after..... yes i look tired. Thanks to nikki who woke me up...lol
anyway....this is a random post... and my laptop's webcam is working....so any1 wanna play some webcam? lol

randomness...imoff

update

well im starting to be myself more these days. yeap~!
im starting to skip lectures~! wooo~!

thats more like it...back to old school.....skipping classes and all...
aaah....that just makes me miss the good old times...

i remembered how we used to run though the forest and come out on the other side of school ...
walk down the hill to the taxi stand and take a taxi off to the shopping centres.
hoping the principal or security guard would not spot us.
well that explains my exceleent record of attence...whch ws 50% i think =)

that was then..

now , no chains bound, i can just skip lectures when i feel like it. awesome.
no more running in bushes and getting caught in spider webs...


well todays tutorial was fun..
we learned how to convince someone to take off their clothes...haha
not only that....we learned how to make sure that all clothes are taken off the patient....
i think i chose the right course =)
haha jk................. NOT

ayways....im lovin this course ....

placing the pieces

It starts now. finally....

the red light went off and the green light shone. not the brightest, but still visible.

finally, all the preperation made sense. finally the pieces of the puzzle for the last 10 years could be seen being put together.each placed nicely forming a picture.

the picture is not complete, but at least i can see where it is heading now.



some parts im uncertain but at least part of the picture is fixed, i know what pieces to put alongside it now....



now take me from here, to the place where I am destined to be. Let me exceed your expectations God.Let me fulfill the destiny that was coded in me before i was brought to this world. Let me grabhold of it and not be shaken by circumstances.Through you will I achieve the impossible. Through you, this earth will change.

I dream BIG....because my GOD is BIG!

help

I am EXHAUSTED.
my scheduelle could not be any worse than this.
monday 9-4
tuesday 9-2
wednesday 9-6
thursday 9-6
friday 9-4

erm hello? its uni~! isnt it suppose to be relaxing while having less contact hours at the same time?
funny how i chose this course thinking it would be the easiest course in the world having just to push a button to take an x-ray and poof u get money for it..haha

now i realize how wrong i was. well i took my 1st x-ray today. that was pretty easy. wonder why they made life so difficult by expecting us to learn
how to make x-rays
how x-rays work,
knowing every bone , joint and muscles in our body
interpreting x-rays
learning about the chemicals in our body.

basically from what im learning, i could basically build a ct scan or an x-ray machine when i finish this course. not forgetting becoming a doctor and a physiologist at the same time. I always get the hard subjects dont i.

well on the good side of it, there's double the amount of girls in comparison to the boys in my class =p. well the term "girls" and "boys" is pretty naive considering the fact we have some adults in our class.

i need space. i need time to breathe. 2nd week and im already struggling. Im not struggling to keep up, im just struggling to find time to breathe

im burnt out.help.

Women

how was my wedding? well...sorry chez...there wasnt any of my "type" there. speaking of my "type", i have only met two of them while working as a sales representative. well there was one girl who was younger than me by a year... how do i know their age? well i love my job. ahha in my line of work, i get to know everything about them...from birthdates to bank accounts and credit cards ...to whether they are single,available,married or having a partner. hahaha!

well this chick that was younger than me...but she was married. dang~!

oh wells life goes on~! ahaha.

while im still single, im enjoying my freedom.....yet something in me longs for something more. I dont think im ready, but I want to be ready.haha yet I want to be single. I enjoy playing this tug of war within me. I am aware of my confusion or am I confused of my awareness. ahah

God, please bring her in a box at my door step. It will make life so much easier.haha

maybe a label saying

To: Sean

Hope you enjoy this gift

From : God

That would be nice.And probably make my life much much easier.haha



NOt forgetting a warning sticker attached to the box saying :

enjoy

I feel...incomplete. ahha !
its great having two managers fighting over me. and i feel priveledged having the area manager to get involve to solve the problem between the two managers. hahah
putting all the fuss aside, its valentines day...and i feel incomplete somehow.haha hopefully this feeling will leave soon, i wanna be single for awhile...help me. lol~!
till then, im enjoying work more than ever.its my field in getting to know more people.

wait

Is it right to take something that is not mine yet ,..but destined to be mine in the future? Should I just sit and wait for it to fall into my arms or should I just grab it now. WHat is God's will? yes, I shall wait.

take me

how do you change something that cannot be changed.

1 corinthians 5:6-7
6Your boasting is not good. Don't you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough? 7Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast—as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed

but God, how do we get rid of them if they are the ones getting rid of us?What if the yeast is in control and the new dough just gets contaminated by stepping in?do we fight a never ending battle?Do we have the strength to carry on? is anyone tired of it? i am.

BUt yet in such situations you taught me patience and self control.you taught me courage.If there is one more thing that i ask, teach me love. Let me love.

another prophecy you gave me is coming to pass...it took a year for this to happen.am i happy ? no. i had always hoped that prophecy was a mistake.but i wrote it down anyways.now i see..you knew the end from the beginning.you, you are God and may you reign forever. This will not take my sight off you, but lead me lord into your arms.It is where i find comfort and warmth like no other.

takeme,hold me.

i see

I see a tree with roots..rooted deep into the ground.but the soil is not nourished.the land is dead. the leaves that sprouted green soon became brown and in time, it withered to the ground.

This has to happen.I see where its going and I see wats coming.Its going to be sad but I see a glimmer of light at the end.I see hope. I know whats about to happen and I see how its going to begin.It doesnt end here. Now, now its the start.Finally the truth is out, but will we be brave enough to step up to it? or is our age going to limit us? how do we fight against people who can shut you down with a blink. What do we do?God lead us.

Numbers 14 :10-23

But the whole assembly talked about stoning them. Then the glory of the LORD appeared at the Tent of Meeting to all the Israelites. 11 The LORD said to Moses, "How long will these people treat me with contempt? How long will they refuse to believe in me, in spite of all the miraculous signs I have performed among them? 12 I will strike them down with a plague and destroy them, but I will make you into a nation greater and stronger than they."
13 Moses said to the LORD, "Then the Egyptians will hear about it! By your power you brought these people up from among them. 14 And they will tell the inhabitants of this land about it. They have already heard that you, O LORD, are with these people and that you, O LORD, have been seen face to face, that your cloud stays over them, and that you go before them in a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. 15 If you put these people to death all at one time, the nations who have heard this report about you will say, 16 'The LORD was not able to bring these people into the land he promised them on oath; so he slaughtered them in the desert.'
17 "Now may the Lord's strength be displayed, just as you have declared: 18 'The LORD is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation.' 19 In accordance with your great love, forgive the sin of these people, just as you have pardoned them from the time they left Egypt until now."
20 The LORD replied, "I have forgiven them, as you asked. 21 Nevertheless, as surely as I live and as surely as the glory of the LORD fills the whole earth, 22 not one of the men who saw my glory and the miraculous signs I performed in Egypt and in the desert but who disobeyed me and tested me ten times- 23 not one of them will ever see the land I promised on oath to their forefathers. No one who has treated me with contempt will ever see it.

Because of their murmuring,even Moses could not witness the promise that God had promised to them being fulfilled.It was the next generation that God was pleased with.It was the next generation that promises were fulfilled. but first something has to happen.death.

Is there another way around it? Let me out, let me loose.I need not contain all this anymore.
guide me.

God, is it time yet? I am ready now.Let me out of this shell, I wanna be who you called me to be. Tell me its time, give me the opportunity, dont let me miss it. I need you.

Choices ...

Whats the lay down? It all started back when I was 9..i had PTS. It was an exam to see if youre smart enough to jump a year level. Was it pressurizing?no. I diddnt care.

Then UPSR came along.I was 12.I felt the heat....only a bit. I wanted a good high school. I applied for English College and i got in. I was glad that they accepted my results.

Then PMR came when I turned 15. This was the exam that could determine if i qualified for the science stream. I felt the pressure and for the 1st time, I studied(last 3 months b4 exam). I got into science stream and what did I do after that? laze around.

SPM arrived sooner than I thought.I was17.This could determine...nothing actually. Weather I did well or not, I was going to Australia. I sat back and relax.

2 years after that it was VCE.19 yrs old at this point. I realised how important this was.It would determine my future...literally.I was pressured. And for the 2nd time in my life...I studied(whole year of 2007). It was intense.I diddnt know what course to do because the course would ultimately determine my future career. 1st hurdle was to pick a course...2nd hurdle was to qualify for it. In the end I got it.

So i am on the road now.am I happy?yes and no. Now i am wondering what to do after my Bachelor. Should i go masters or take up medicine. From a million paths that were laid before me before VCE...now it is narrowed down to two.I see a split road at the end of my 4 year bachelor degree.At least now its 2 choices but it is still hard to make.

option 1 : stick to my bachelor degree and be content with it. Starting pay = $35 per hour. which works out to be about $75 000 a year

option 2 : taking up masters and doing ultrasound.Part time course, 3 years. Ends up being a sonographer. starting pay $50-60 per hour. Work out to be about $120 000 per year

option 3 : taking up bachelor of medicine. full time course, 4 years.Ends up becoming a radiologists. Pay = i have no idea. Some say 200 000, some say 300 000 , some say half a million per year. Actual amount? clueless.

what this gives me? headache. and i have not even started my course.Am i thinking too far?yes. Am i worried?no. Am i confused?yes. Currently leaning to just do masters.Unless and until I find out the actual amount of a radiologists salary, I will lean towards masters.

What this tells me? There will always be choices in life.But it is up to you to make that choice available for you.Does choices get easier?no.Does it get tougher?no. Choices varies.

Li Yen

Li Yen

Together with his sister, sing rhu I knew him at a very very young age.
One of my closest friends in church and never regretted it.

We had a "gang" back in lower primary school...it was me , you and Benjamin ..ahah
played alot and had heaps of fun.We were in the children's choir, we did children's church plays, we hated fong yee and we were young..ahahah

but soon years passed and as expected, everything changes.

what can I say about you? friendly, smart and really hard working. Be confident of yourself because you can achieve things that people cant.you can reach higher because you are capable of it. you can play and also study at the same time and still produce excellent results.Your determination to do well is outstanding.

But do not let your success distance you from God. by your own effort, you only can achieve so much ,but with God, there is so much more. Know that circumstances can change in an instant but God is the same yesterday today and forever.

Hopefully we will meet again sometime soon..
All the best~!

Justin

JUSTIN

Do not for one moment think ive forgotten about you.
We met about 1-2 years before i left for australia.It was the youth camp. you know..what surprises me was your amazing ability to socialize.It was your first youth camp,and you never met anyone of us before (maybe a couple of them you knew from school). but you were all out..giving everything you got... you played one the main characters in that youth camp talent night and you did your job superbly.

YOu blend in with people so easily and it is a joy for others to be able to know you.people tend to feel comfortable with you around them because you never leave them out. You have a great spirit and something about your character just draws people to you.

It was certainly a joy to watch you take your first step in getting to know Christ and watching how you started growing exponentially from that day onwards.Christ is just so real in your life and it is so obvious with your passion for him. SOmetimes life occupies us with things that would distract us from God.Devil knows the potential you have in reaching out to others but know this, you are stronger than it. Despite your circumstances, always find time to commune with God, do not let anything steal your time from God. Always, always put God 1st because he did the same for you.

Take care bro~!

Sing Rhu

Sing Rhu

Sorry I know you like your Christian name alot..Chloe, but..i would still call you by your REAL name =p

Well she is probably the first friend I had stored in my memory bank.I cant remember anyone before her.We met in 1993(when I was 5 years old) . And we used to play around as kids.HOw do we play? disturbing and bullying each other =). We were Joseph and Mary in a Christmas production back when I was 7 years old. At 9 years of age, we were married.we were walking down the aisle sinking our fingernails into each other's skin(we hated each other but were forced to act it out in a play) and we said our vows in front of the children's church.ahhha that was a classic.

so we grew up hating each other until 12-13 years old.then those wierd chemistry started which ended up messing alot of stuff .ahha all i can say is that it was our first time.we were still clueless and were at the "what-to-do" stage. young and innocent but hilarious to think back about it.Remember how the 21 year old plan seem so far away..and now look how fast time just flew by.

hmm we were in St.John Ambulance Malaysia and i was proud to be able to know a sergeant who was my close friend =p. Well we pretty much had our own lives after 2002.there was so much that happened within the 2000-2001 period . It was a time when I had a head on collision with life and got myself into hot waters

Focussed, tough and strong-willed determination has been the driving force of your success to become what you are today.Do not forget the path God brought you through, the people he gave to support you along the way.use your gifts of leadership and music for God.Dont leave this world with all the potential left in you, leave this world..giving it all out for God's glory.

May you continue to be successful.
TAke care~!

Cheryl Teoh

Cheryl Teoh

Know whats hard?Finding a picture of you alone is hard.Every other picture you have is always with someone else.What can I say...one of the most sociable character anyone can find~!

One of the first few friends I made when I first got down to Melbourne.It was at the beach.Rosebud beach. It was definitely surprising to hear that you were only here for 3 years and you totally lost your malaysian slang. you can try as hard as you want chez, but your malaysian slang is retarded.ahahaha

Hmm if i remembered correctly you won some junior singing competition before. And using your voice to lead people in worship, who can ask for more.A great entertainer, great actress, great spirit and a loving heart. A creative mind who often puts it into action by making lil presents, gifts and cards.

Always thinking about others.A great friend to have.Thanks for your company to the city,lunch movies etc. So many things u did to help me adapt comfortably.maybe you diddnt realize what you were doing but I guess you were just being your bubbly friendly self and it helped me settle in here very comfortably

I understand being a pastor's kid sometimes has its undercurrents. sometimes there are stuffs that happen behind the scenes that we cant help but to worry and at times be angry at it. But through all these tough experiences that you go through...know that you're not alone in it.Sometimes we don't want advice from other people because we know what they are going to say before they say it.we know the mechanics of Christianity .sometimes we focus too much on our problems that our heart drifts away from God. do not let the noise around stop you from hearing God =)

hey look at you today, you changed so much within just the last 2 years and im really proud of how strong you are today. =)

Really, thanks for your company and it has been my pleasure in getting to know you...

Stay adorable~!

Natasha

Natasha

So it begins....
well i wont go through the full story. i'll spare the readers the details lol.
but we have gone through alot diddnt we?

I first talked to you on msn after PMR .we were comparing results and telling each other how much money we received just because of our PMR results.well we met probably in 2004 and i dunno how we ended up going down the same road.lol diddnt even see that coming.....

you were my daughter at one stage and i was your papa.lol looking back at it, i must say that was a smooth tactic you had there tasha.ahha

yes we had some very rough times but it thought us patience and maturity.yes, there were some mistakes along the way but we managed to learn from them.

I would like to take this time to say sorry.sorry for the permanent scars that were made.sorry for putting you through so much.sorry for the actions i did that left you bleeding emotionally. I do not regret knowing you but I regret the things i did.Some decisions that i made were not the best but yet you supported me all the way. I realize now how selfish and self-centered I was and I hope you forgive me for that.If I had in any way been the cause of your deterioration in studies..I am truly sorry.

Thank you for playing a big role in my life.I have learned so much within that 2 years of my life and I hope u did too.Now I am residing in Australia and youre in the US.Time difference only allows me to chat with u at unorthodox hours.

I am really glad that you came to know Christ and I hope He will continue to guide you.I can see that you'll be a really good mother one day.I know everyone says that but its true.haha

I hope one day we can meet again and catch up on life.it will surely be interesting.

Anyway thanks for everything...thanks for your support, thanks for your understanding, thanks for all the letters u made, gifts you bought, thanks for playing a big part of my life, thanks for everything!!.
THANK YOU!

Aiyuen

Aiyuen

well let me introduce you to the one and only twin sister!ahha.
we met in 2003... and we never knew how similar we were until end of last year.
We have the same train of thoughts...same likings....same characteristics....same response to situations.It was getting freaky, so i got to a point where i wanted to find something different between us. So i asked the wisest question.."how many times did you go to the toilet today?" I was almost certain it would be different but guess what...it was the same number of times.lol! freaky!

Im guessing that God put very similar genes into us which explains how we think alike.
tho we may not look the same(tho we both have small eyes)...ahhaha but it has been a great journey going through life together with you.our study achievements are quite similar... our "partners" were similar in so many ways.... and our knowledge on the word of God are pretty much the same.and funnily we both wanna do missions.
ok twin,...i don't know why God made a duplicate of me in a form of a girl...i always thought 1 sean was enough for this world to handle lol.

I thank you for encouraging and helping me when i was down.always including God in the picture whenever i miss it.always reminding me of God whenever i neglected it. you are certainly someone that I enjoy discussing the bible with.really really hope u'll be coming down to Melbourne to further your studies.It was a regret not getting to know u more while i was still in JB .

All the best in the days ahead and may God's outstanding glory continue to shine through your life as a testimony unto others.
seriously..you don't have to change one bit, you're a perfect example for many for just being who you are right now.

Elaine Ang

Elaine Ang

So it begins..my appreciation chain posts that will go on for the next few days and probably months. 1st up is elaine ang..just because u started this thing . well I have known you since 12 years old? but we never did talk much then.I guess we are kinda close now .funny how distance helped us get to know each other .

well what can i say...have never met someone who nudges me so much and even asks other people to call me just to get me online so she can juz bicker about stuff ahahha.If only u were that keen to give me money =p.For a person who constantly compliments herself....i really dont think i need to add anything to give u a confidence boost lol.


well ur blessed with so much...even your birthdate I can hardly forget. 8/8/88 ...ahha

I guess its still a wonder how we have so many friends in common( and in such a unique way too)..lol your primary school friends become my high school friends and my primary school friends become ur highschool friends and yet we both go to different schools throughout our schooling life.

hmmm life can be unfair towards you sometimes but you are stronger than the troubles that come your way.each time you come out of these situations you become stronger and stronger emotionally.You may not want it but God says you need it.He prepares you for a bigger battle in the future.This is your equipping stage.Do not let your circumstance make you lose sight of who God is.Do not in any circumstance resent any anger towards anyone... it will only drain you out.

Well to wrap it up..thanks for..
hmm thanks for being you.
=)

update

hmm update on myself.

physically : not fat, neither slim
mentally : same...
spiritually : doing lots of bible studying lately... some parts are still hard to understand
emotionally : strong, independent,
socially :learning to talk and "handle" a range of different people
Waiting : Steph to come down to aus(feb). to start uni.
Hoping : Aiyuen would come to aus.Nikki to get a job at three.Enough money to pay my uni fees. God to take me higher.
Aiming : best student in radiography.double my pace in Christianity. more independent financially

Frustrations

I was never prejudice...i was never racist....until I started working in a customer service's line.
I was naive...to the real world.I always wondered why some cultures could not get along....and y some cultures can....Being in the real world...dealing with real people teaches me more about life than philosophical interpretations.

this group of people that im talking about would go to any extend to get what they want...always at another person's expense.In extreme cases they are commonly known to go to the extend of killing and murdering just to get what they want.In a more civilized society like Australia, they are worst than the Jewish when it comes to money.I'm saying this based on personal experience. Although i know that not everyone in that race behaves this way...I would still say the majority of them do. The only ones that I would be able to accept are those from that race but are raised up in Australia.at least when they argue...they make more sense..and are more polite in conveying a complain.

what I got myself into this time?well it happens everyday but today was special.I lost my cool.What happened? I upgraded her phone.See, for upgrades we don't give anything to customers...but for her...she ask and ask and ask.....no...she didn't stop there...she continued to ask and ask and ask...so i got fed up..I gave her a free casing and a car charger.After that she wanted a blue tooth hands free in exchange for the car charger.WTH! I said no. then she said that I had used that to trick her into upgrading her phone. She was arguing for 10 mins..raising her voice ..attracting a crowd around me. Imagine..me working alone at the store and having her shouting at me with a crowd around me being entertained...I tried calming her down ...only to find her raising her voice louder. I stared at her face and said..."if u think i tricked you into getting the phone, u over stepped your limit.I'm not happy at the way youre talking to me and I can easily tear the contract u just signed...put the phone back and u can find another shop for a better deal." then she said "is this how you show customer service?"...you know wat..i was fuming at that time...felt like closing the shop and head for home.

I just kept quiet and didnt bother entertaining her ....in the end she took the car charger and left.I was just trying to be nice by giving free stuffs which ended up becoming my fault. It spoilt my entire day.I need a break.

Its only the older generation of this race that i try to stay away from.younger people are more reasonable.sigh.

yesterday was a wierd case....a guy came in and said that he doesnt like his phone and he wants a new one for free.I said u cant do that...u have to pay for it. And that guy said.."how can that be?that doesnt make sense to me.." and that argument went for 10-15 mins. silly, time wasting, unproductive.

i have heaps of similar cases.

you see the thing that bothers me is the way they talk to me.it is as though i am their slave and when i don't do what they say they would raise their voice.

If I was not in my uniform...i'll give them a high five.On their face that is.

From now on....if that group of people appears in the kiosk again, Ill just ignore them. I may not have as many sales but I would certainly be a happy man.

lookin back

Looking back on 2007 I see it all...I realize why individual incidents that did not make sense at that particular point of time had taken place. It seems vague and sometimes meaningless to say everything happens for a purpose unless you actually see the outcome of it. The view at the point of hardship may be shadowed by frustrations and pain but the hindsight view of things puts everything back into perspective.

I went looking at some past posts that i did on this blog and I realized how much I have grown since then.mainly my fluency in English but even the perspective of life that I used to have was shallow in comparison to what it is right now. I certainly do not wish to be satisfied and complacent at where I am.I want to go deeper and deeper so long as my heart would beat.

Year 2007 had been a great test for me.I had to juggle my commitment in church....ministries...studies and also not forgetting the most distracting factor = emotions.I struggled with myself trying to subdue and not give in to my emotions.It was definitely hard and sometimes I thought my effort would be in vain.In the end, I thank God for the challenges I had to go through because I learned a whole lot out of it. The tougher the problem is, the stronger you get.It is true that God's grace is sufficient. I thought I had no more strength left within me to finish the race I started but God was there to see me through.I was about to give up on my studies 2 weeks before the exams.I dont know why.I ran out of fuel..out of will ..out of purose 2 weeks before the exams...but God was there pushing me on.

God has been good.NO...God has been faithfully good. I was stretched to my limit emotionally this year but would never portray the slightest sign of it to anyone else.I was good at putting up fronts and still am.I had a battle this year...a battle within me.It is amazing how much you discover about yourself through these moments....things that we were oblivious of until the test began.I dare say I am a far better man than I was last year without boasting of myself but boasting of the one who was behind the shaping of my character= God.I know I have my weaknesses, and I am working on exterminating it.Tho i know i will always have weaknesses as long as I live here on earth, I know I can subdue it and not be a slave to it. I have my scars that I had no one else to blame but myself.self-inflicted damage. I cannot see how this can be something useful to God at this point of time,but I have faith and that is all i need to believe that God has his plan laid out and may I CHOOSE to walk in it.

The dichotomy of life is that troubles is a subjective to the person's maturity
~Sean~


May 2008 be another platform of foundation
I can do with more platforms as long as it brings me higher
and closer to u