Thursday, January 03, 2008

lookin back

Looking back on 2007 I see it all...I realize why individual incidents that did not make sense at that particular point of time had taken place. It seems vague and sometimes meaningless to say everything happens for a purpose unless you actually see the outcome of it. The view at the point of hardship may be shadowed by frustrations and pain but the hindsight view of things puts everything back into perspective.

I went looking at some past posts that i did on this blog and I realized how much I have grown since then.mainly my fluency in English but even the perspective of life that I used to have was shallow in comparison to what it is right now. I certainly do not wish to be satisfied and complacent at where I am.I want to go deeper and deeper so long as my heart would beat.

Year 2007 had been a great test for me.I had to juggle my commitment in church....ministries...studies and also not forgetting the most distracting factor = emotions.I struggled with myself trying to subdue and not give in to my emotions.It was definitely hard and sometimes I thought my effort would be in vain.In the end, I thank God for the challenges I had to go through because I learned a whole lot out of it. The tougher the problem is, the stronger you get.It is true that God's grace is sufficient. I thought I had no more strength left within me to finish the race I started but God was there to see me through.I was about to give up on my studies 2 weeks before the exams.I dont know why.I ran out of fuel..out of will ..out of purose 2 weeks before the exams...but God was there pushing me on.

God has been good.NO...God has been faithfully good. I was stretched to my limit emotionally this year but would never portray the slightest sign of it to anyone else.I was good at putting up fronts and still am.I had a battle this year...a battle within me.It is amazing how much you discover about yourself through these moments....things that we were oblivious of until the test began.I dare say I am a far better man than I was last year without boasting of myself but boasting of the one who was behind the shaping of my character= God.I know I have my weaknesses, and I am working on exterminating it.Tho i know i will always have weaknesses as long as I live here on earth, I know I can subdue it and not be a slave to it. I have my scars that I had no one else to blame but myself.self-inflicted damage. I cannot see how this can be something useful to God at this point of time,but I have faith and that is all i need to believe that God has his plan laid out and may I CHOOSE to walk in it.

The dichotomy of life is that troubles is a subjective to the person's maturity

May 2008 be another platform of foundation
I can do with more platforms as long as it brings me higher
and closer to u

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