Monday, July 31, 2006

Letting Go

There i was grasping the edge of the cliff with every strength that was left in my hand.I know i could not hold on any longer but i keep telling myself...just 1 more minute..just one more minute.....the next minute ticks by and i tell myself the same thing.Strength was seeping out of my body.sweat was dripping down my forehead and burning my eyes.with only one hand, i struggled to hang on to the cliff for dear life.I wish i could shout for help but i was concentrating too much on my hand....i was scared if it would cramp any time from now.the shirt on me wasnt helping at absorbed all the sweat and now it was concentrated enough to burn my skin was from the friction when i slipped from the cliff, red from the sweat, red from the heat of the sun.I realised and i asked, what is the meaning of life if we all were to die one day.

I could flash my memory back.all 18 years of my life was reflected in just one second.What does it mean to live? Is it just to get a secure job?to have a family happy ever after?Happily ever after seemed more of a fantasy than a reality,a state of mind disiilusion by the reality that is going on around.Is it just to be wealthy and rich?is it to be powerfull? what if i did succeed in becoming all of these? or is it even an irony to call it a success to achieve this?what determines success?what is satisfying? even the wealthiest people arent satisfied with what they have. are we ever meant to feel satisfoctory?

so what if i studied hard and get a good job one day?so what if i had a good family? so what if i was powerfull and rich? at the cliff, hanging on to dear life...what does all of this matter anymore?is this just a course of life? a cycle like every other species goes through? the cycle of being born,being succesfull,marry, have kids and make sure there is enough money to pass on the next generation...then die.then the next generation will follow the same cycle.What does it take to break the monotonous way of life?Are we not behaving like animals?are we not going through the cycle like any other species?

if there was a meaning of life,what would it be?God?but....where is he now when i need him?why cant he be as real to me now as he is in the past?isnt he the same yesterday today and forever?

then God said, "let go!" WHAT? did i hear u wrongly God? now you show urself and u tell me to let go of this cliff?this thing that has been sustaining my life all these while?i was waiting for u to save me and now u want me dead?

then God said again "Let Go!"....i sobbed...God..why....why i not the person u promise so many things.These promises has yet to come through...are u not a God who keeps ur promises?God...why.....

i realise hating God was no was all up to him...i couldnt do anything..i couldnt help myself.This was the weakness i would never admit. Degrees or awards i achieved seemed nothing but dust in the air now.It was time when life would end...all that "succeeded" now seemed nothing but dirt or a history, a memory to some which would soon fade in the generations to come.everything is meaningless.

my hand could not hold on any by finger began to open...and poof! i hit the ground....i got up in bewilderment.God? i looked up...there it was the cliff 3 metres high...

many of you can relate to this story that i should have guessed i was never at the least not physically.but spritually i definately was. For u ...God might have told u to let go of something and yet u hold on to it because u cant live without it,u might end up in depression if u lose it,but God says "let go...let go" it is only when u are less dependent on earthly things, then are u more dependant on God.It is through our weakness,He is our strength....
we will not realise how silly we are holding onto that particular thing untill u actually let go of it.the "thing" may vary from relationships to studies...or jobs. when God says let go....know that God knows best.

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