WHat i want to do after VCE? get out.
Away from everything close to me at the moment.
Away from my thoughts.
Away from people I know.
I want to do something different.Something meaningful.
I want to go into jungles, cut bushes, set up tents and preach
I want to bathe in rivers.
Get a diving license.
Make friends with those the world neglects
Make friends with prostitutes,gays, lesbians, criminals, sinners
I dont want to bring them to church but to bring the church to them
I want to be used to raise the dead,heal the sick, cause the lame to walk, blind to see
I dont want an average christian life.GOd forbid it.
I want to be different.unique.
I will get criticized and my motives questioned but I dont care what others think anymore.
oh.Send me away.open doors. Take me away.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Monday, October 08, 2007
Back again
I gripped the steering wheel.Both hands were parallel to each other.Veins could be seen petruding out of my hands.I had my eyes focussed on the road.I could feel my sweat tingling around my eyelids but I remained focus.My left foot was balancing the clutch with my right foot on the accelerator.I was ready.Any time now...3...2...1....GREEN!
i sped off from the traffic light with my accelerator pressed towards the floor...the car was moving at top speed.Then came a T-junction.I didnt know which to choose.I couldnt decide.I stopped.I looked to my left...then to my right...Both seemed right to me but for some reason i went left.Later on down the road i realised that turning right wasnt that good afterall.I dunno why...maybe it was my gutt feeling that told me to turn left and I just went along with it.JOurney down the left road from then on was fun and exciting for the first few moments of driving.I enjoyed the scenery.I even stopped by some places.I spent quite an enormous amount of effort on that road.It was fun.But soon I came to a cross junction.
I could go straight and continue on the same road or i could make a left or a right.I looked to my left.I looked to my right.I looked straight ahead.my gutt feeling wasnt there to help me this time.I got out of my car and stood at the intersection.I waited for quite sometime and still couldnt make up my mind. i shouted to the right.nothing. i shouted ahead.nothing.I shouted to the left.I could hear a faint sound.probably it was my echo.but heck at least its something. I got back into the car and turned left.
It was a short journey.I diddnt noe if i enjoyed it.there was nothing much to see.nothing much to look around.probably that sound i heard was my own echo after all.i thought of making a U-turn.BUt i went on the road in hope that something out of the ordinary would happen.Time passed and nothing ever did.I started thinking to myself.Maybe this is the wrong turn.maybe I am just wasting my petrol but if I turn back, I would be doing double the trip and that would be even worse.I turned on the radio and it was not long before I saw a left turn.
It was a detour! Without having a second thought i took the turn.The road looked familiar. now.wait.I know this road.Wait.Isnt this....no....no...it cant be..then there was the traffic light...again. 3 left turns brings you back to the same place. ANd now here I am at the traffic light.back to where I started.
*if u understand...good on you. dont bother asking me to explain my analogies cuz theres a reason why its told that way =p*
i sped off from the traffic light with my accelerator pressed towards the floor...the car was moving at top speed.Then came a T-junction.I didnt know which to choose.I couldnt decide.I stopped.I looked to my left...then to my right...Both seemed right to me but for some reason i went left.Later on down the road i realised that turning right wasnt that good afterall.I dunno why...maybe it was my gutt feeling that told me to turn left and I just went along with it.JOurney down the left road from then on was fun and exciting for the first few moments of driving.I enjoyed the scenery.I even stopped by some places.I spent quite an enormous amount of effort on that road.It was fun.But soon I came to a cross junction.
I could go straight and continue on the same road or i could make a left or a right.I looked to my left.I looked to my right.I looked straight ahead.my gutt feeling wasnt there to help me this time.I got out of my car and stood at the intersection.I waited for quite sometime and still couldnt make up my mind. i shouted to the right.nothing. i shouted ahead.nothing.I shouted to the left.I could hear a faint sound.probably it was my echo.but heck at least its something. I got back into the car and turned left.
It was a short journey.I diddnt noe if i enjoyed it.there was nothing much to see.nothing much to look around.probably that sound i heard was my own echo after all.i thought of making a U-turn.BUt i went on the road in hope that something out of the ordinary would happen.Time passed and nothing ever did.I started thinking to myself.Maybe this is the wrong turn.maybe I am just wasting my petrol but if I turn back, I would be doing double the trip and that would be even worse.I turned on the radio and it was not long before I saw a left turn.
It was a detour! Without having a second thought i took the turn.The road looked familiar. now.wait.I know this road.Wait.Isnt this....no....no...it cant be..then there was the traffic light...again. 3 left turns brings you back to the same place. ANd now here I am at the traffic light.back to where I started.
*if u understand...good on you. dont bother asking me to explain my analogies cuz theres a reason why its told that way =p*
Saturday, October 06, 2007
rambles
i am sleepy.....
thnx for the company btw
hmm i feel like ....doing ballroom
actually to be specific...i wanna do waltz....slow and sweet...
nah im not interested in classes...just wanna learn it off someone or probably find a video and try to imitate the routine... but i need a partner...haha
thnx for the company btw
hmm i feel like ....doing ballroom
actually to be specific...i wanna do waltz....slow and sweet...
nah im not interested in classes...just wanna learn it off someone or probably find a video and try to imitate the routine... but i need a partner...haha
Thursday, October 04, 2007
teachers
Have you ever had a dream, and you woke up still thinking about it? It was one of those moments when I could just recall the teachers that God had put into my life to educate me to what I am this very day.In my dream I could remember kindergarten and primary school teacher's names, I could recall their characteristics, Their actions and there is always a moment of them that was captured in the memory bank that you could replay over and over.
I wonder what could I say to them if i met them now?
maybe to my kindergarten teacher it would be..
" You would know me as pas.kelvin's eldest son.I was your student from 1992 to 1994.I remember having different roles in your concert production.One of the most fond memory i had was being a prince and dancing with a princess only to twirl the princess to the ground..ahah i was probably a really bad dancer."
man that just reminded me....her name was Esther i think.and that was the last time i saw her.I dont know if its even possible to find out what she's doing now.It'll be interesting.
aaaah~! i feel the need of catching up with people that I havent met for more than 10 years.
to my primary school teachers i will probably be...
"hey , you might not remember me very well since you might have thought 100 over students but I was one of those student who sought after attention.You only can get attention if you're very smart or if you're a pest.Well I was probably top 10 in school but was never really the best so i resorted to being a pest.=)It was a good thing I diddnt kill anyone at that point of time..ahah."
If i ever go back to malaysia...my mission would be finding my kindergarten and primary school teacher's e-mail.
God bless all the teachers~!
I wonder what could I say to them if i met them now?
maybe to my kindergarten teacher it would be..
" You would know me as pas.kelvin's eldest son.I was your student from 1992 to 1994.I remember having different roles in your concert production.One of the most fond memory i had was being a prince and dancing with a princess only to twirl the princess to the ground..ahah i was probably a really bad dancer."
man that just reminded me....her name was Esther i think.and that was the last time i saw her.I dont know if its even possible to find out what she's doing now.It'll be interesting.
aaaah~! i feel the need of catching up with people that I havent met for more than 10 years.
to my primary school teachers i will probably be...
"hey , you might not remember me very well since you might have thought 100 over students but I was one of those student who sought after attention.You only can get attention if you're very smart or if you're a pest.Well I was probably top 10 in school but was never really the best so i resorted to being a pest.=)It was a good thing I diddnt kill anyone at that point of time..ahah."
If i ever go back to malaysia...my mission would be finding my kindergarten and primary school teacher's e-mail.
God bless all the teachers~!
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Conference dance
sidenote :
- done at the closing of conference
- almost perfect dance routine
- different ending than the other video
- recomended to watch in preference of the other video
- good sound quality
Side note :
- done on tuesday...beginning of conference
- the sound is very soft...need to turn up the volume
- some hilarious mistakes
- bad sound quality
- slightly different ending
- done at the closing of conference
- almost perfect dance routine
- different ending than the other video
- recomended to watch in preference of the other video
- good sound quality
Side note :
- done on tuesday...beginning of conference
- the sound is very soft...need to turn up the volume
- some hilarious mistakes
- bad sound quality
- slightly different ending
Monday, October 01, 2007
The toy car
I had left my toys behind.Some had been thrown away,some given to others and some couldnt be found.I found myself looking from afar admiring a slick black toy car.It was far beyond my reach.I know I would never have that.Some toys are just out of bounds for me.Even toys have been biasly priced to divide the rich and the poor. I looked up to dad and said "I know it is impossible ,but if there is anything I want that would make me happy, I would only wish for you to give me that toy car". In my mind i knew it was impossible.Dad kept quiet. Few months past, I read up magazines and manuals about the car and I found it to be flawless.It was the perfect deal and it was definitely in demand.Suddenly Dad came to my room...with a box,in there...was the car i had longed for.Something I would have never dreamed of.I took care of it,polished it and did my very best to preserve it.
MOnths past and I found the toy car to be not as perfect as it seemed.I found flaws.Soon the car was worn out and I could not play with it anymore.I sought other options.I went back to the same supermarket and had another look around.There ,2 toy cars caught my eye. I diddnt know which one to pick. both had their own advantages.both were in demand and had only 1 left of each in stock.if i did not make up my mind fast enough, both toy cars would be gone.I couldnt make up my mind, I went back to dad.Dad looked me in the eye and asked what happened to the car he bought a few months ago."it isnt working" i replied.
Dad looked deep into me and said "be patient my son, put your trust in me, I am making a toy car that will be suitable for you.I know your character,Ive seen you grown I know what you like.Some toys may seem perfect to you out there because people advertise it but because I know you by heart, I know what kind of toy cars you like.In time, I will hand it to you.For now, I am still working on it.Be patient."
I looked back with a teary eye and said " I have nothing to play with now....It is hard to wait.....but I trust you"
MOnths past and I found the toy car to be not as perfect as it seemed.I found flaws.Soon the car was worn out and I could not play with it anymore.I sought other options.I went back to the same supermarket and had another look around.There ,2 toy cars caught my eye. I diddnt know which one to pick. both had their own advantages.both were in demand and had only 1 left of each in stock.if i did not make up my mind fast enough, both toy cars would be gone.I couldnt make up my mind, I went back to dad.Dad looked me in the eye and asked what happened to the car he bought a few months ago."it isnt working" i replied.
Dad looked deep into me and said "be patient my son, put your trust in me, I am making a toy car that will be suitable for you.I know your character,Ive seen you grown I know what you like.Some toys may seem perfect to you out there because people advertise it but because I know you by heart, I know what kind of toy cars you like.In time, I will hand it to you.For now, I am still working on it.Be patient."
I looked back with a teary eye and said " I have nothing to play with now....It is hard to wait.....but I trust you"
Sunday, September 30, 2007
the narrow road
Full of excitement and joy i entered.Suddenly there was a rush of wind .Everything changed.I saw from the corner of my eye.there it was,sculpted beautifully . it stood in the middle of the room.It reminded me of things that happened,memories i wish were never history.I remember that I could see it coming to end this way.I tried hard to protect it.I warned.I could see every step that was going to take place but I was powerless to stop it.I felt hopeless.
As I pondered longer I began to reconcile memories of people that have gone through the same path, each took a different turn in life but ended at the same dead end.Oh how true it is ," small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." oh how easy it is to step out of the road...how easy it is to make a wrong turn...Jesus said, "Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to.
Oh God, I asked for spiritual eyes and I thank you for granting me what I asked for.BUt oh God seeing these things that happened and things that are about to happen just causes my heart to cry out.I'm powerless to stop it.... my heart aches for them.I could see a sea of faces, each one falling off the narrow road due to circumstanced reasons. God ,my heart aches...There is an emptiness in my heart.....and it is for the lost.
Send someone oh God, if it is your will, send me.
I had a dream about you,but I'm shy
As I pondered longer I began to reconcile memories of people that have gone through the same path, each took a different turn in life but ended at the same dead end.Oh how true it is ," small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." oh how easy it is to step out of the road...how easy it is to make a wrong turn...Jesus said, "Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to.
Oh God, I asked for spiritual eyes and I thank you for granting me what I asked for.BUt oh God seeing these things that happened and things that are about to happen just causes my heart to cry out.I'm powerless to stop it.... my heart aches for them.I could see a sea of faces, each one falling off the narrow road due to circumstanced reasons. God ,my heart aches...There is an emptiness in my heart.....and it is for the lost.
Send someone oh God, if it is your will, send me.
I had a dream about you,but I'm shy
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Rejuvenate
HELLO WORLD~!
how was conference? are u kidding? it shouldnt even be a question.
HOW GREAT WAS CONFERENCE~!
i have been to many many many many conferences my entire life....and i dare say this is the best conference ive been too. there may not be a crowd.but it was personal~! and thats wat makes it special....like youth camps...its personal.
This is the 1st time we have 3 foreign speakers and all 3 of them are awesomely awesome.and ive received so much over the past few days.Ive never ever been to a conference which i was able to absorb such an extensive amount.The amount of information,amount of passion..amount of joy, boy....juz love it.
u noe wat, i cant really put to words how i feel right now....haha its just "WOW"....i dunno how to say more than that.....AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH~!
imagine....in 5 mins, im able to get 3 prophecies from 3 different powerful influential speakers...ahhhaha now where can u ever get that....
im not scared of VCE now...=p cuz whatever the result is...GOd will still fulfill his promises somehow.~!
THERE IS MORE TO LIFE~! and you know it!
how was conference? are u kidding? it shouldnt even be a question.
HOW GREAT WAS CONFERENCE~!
i have been to many many many many conferences my entire life....and i dare say this is the best conference ive been too. there may not be a crowd.but it was personal~! and thats wat makes it special....like youth camps...its personal.
This is the 1st time we have 3 foreign speakers and all 3 of them are awesomely awesome.and ive received so much over the past few days.Ive never ever been to a conference which i was able to absorb such an extensive amount.The amount of information,amount of passion..amount of joy, boy....juz love it.
u noe wat, i cant really put to words how i feel right now....haha its just "WOW"....i dunno how to say more than that.....AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH~!
imagine....in 5 mins, im able to get 3 prophecies from 3 different powerful influential speakers...ahhhaha now where can u ever get that....
im not scared of VCE now...=p cuz whatever the result is...GOd will still fulfill his promises somehow.~!
THERE IS MORE TO LIFE~! and you know it!
Friday, September 21, 2007
=p
i should be saddened by my UMAt results... but the funny thing is....I'm NOt~! to be frank.....im actually having a blast~! hahaha....
WOO~! love life...all the ups and downs....and this is probably the 1st time im enjoying the downside of life....what an irony
Looking at hindsight, i realized the one thing i achieved this year and to be proud of...is the ability to celebrate in the worst moments of life.Gone were the days of depression ...ahahha woo~!
KNow what...i may not have been achieving the goals ive set bUt what i did achieve is something more than that...which is the refining of ones character...
I have grown alot this year and i dont plan to stop here.Remember how Paul in the bible tried every way he could think of to spread the gospel? God just put road blocks along the way to make sure he goes the right way.BUt the important thing here is that he tried. and when someone turn him down..he tried somewhere else.
See, God's will in our life is vague at times.So I find myself trying and trying different areas...and hopefully GOd will put road blocks to show me the right way.To direct me to the course that fulfills the big plan? Im not even sure what im gonna do in uni...
BUt....LIfe's awesome~!
WOO~! love life...all the ups and downs....and this is probably the 1st time im enjoying the downside of life....what an irony
Looking at hindsight, i realized the one thing i achieved this year and to be proud of...is the ability to celebrate in the worst moments of life.Gone were the days of depression ...ahahha woo~!
KNow what...i may not have been achieving the goals ive set bUt what i did achieve is something more than that...which is the refining of ones character...
I have grown alot this year and i dont plan to stop here.Remember how Paul in the bible tried every way he could think of to spread the gospel? God just put road blocks along the way to make sure he goes the right way.BUt the important thing here is that he tried. and when someone turn him down..he tried somewhere else.
See, God's will in our life is vague at times.So I find myself trying and trying different areas...and hopefully GOd will put road blocks to show me the right way.To direct me to the course that fulfills the big plan? Im not even sure what im gonna do in uni...
BUt....LIfe's awesome~!
Monday, September 17, 2007
Report-Homo-sapien
Report
17/9/07
17/9/07
Introduction:
A research was conducted to investigate the wierd and unpredictable nature of a particular species.One research in particular that caught my attention was this individual organism.Report goes as follows:
A research was conducted to investigate the wierd and unpredictable nature of a particular species.One research in particular that caught my attention was this individual organism.Report goes as follows:
Species : HOMO-sapien
Name : Sean
Born : 13 June 1988
Sex :Male not yet
Religion : none
Lifestyle : Christian
Method :
1) several investigations were conducted and characteristics were spied upon
2)information gathered from friends and family
3)interview conducted to make sure of parallel connections to facts.
4) all data were recorded by tape and written down later
Results:
Dota ( online game)
found responding to it very often.
Advantages :He finds joy in making pros look like noobs.
Disadvantages : Time consumption
Sports
Advantages : capable of playing with both hands and feet
Disadvantages : often injuries in joints and at times dislocation of bones
Dance (popping)
Advantages : ability to isolate and control individual muscles in most of the upper body
Disadvantages : makes a retard look good
Chess (board game)
Advantages :-a source of confidence through winning competitions
- gains and expands logical reasoning
Disadvantages : Nerd
Studies
Advantages : Sets high standards
Disadvantages : always found disappointed with results
English
Advantages : relatively good command of english
Disadvantages : Spelling
Adaptability
Advantages :- ability to adapt to any environment
- ability to sleep on any surface (hard or soft)
- ability to eat a large variety of food
-sensitive to situations and customs
Disadvantages :Multiple personalities
Christianity
Advantages : sound knowledge of the bible
Disadvantages :none -*the disadvantages becomes God's advantage
Discussion :
Results are inconclusive and are subject to a certain period of time.Results and response may alter over time. HOMO-sapiens are prone to change in characteristics due to experiences and randomness.Male HOMO-sapiens as studied above are more predictable in comparison to females.As females tend to contain more random responses and are highly unpredictable.Legend has it that females were once predictable but the thought of it will remain a fantasy to many.
Conclusion :
Subject seemed to respond well and results are accurate to date of report.It is however subjected to change over time.Any errors in report should be reported to the comments section at the bottom of this page.
Name : Sean
Born : 13 June 1988
Sex :
Religion : none
Lifestyle : Christian
Method :
1) several investigations were conducted and characteristics were spied upon
2)information gathered from friends and family
3)interview conducted to make sure of parallel connections to facts.
4) all data were recorded by tape and written down later
Results:
Dota ( online game)
found responding to it very often.
Advantages :He finds joy in making pros look like noobs.
Disadvantages : Time consumption
Sports
Advantages : capable of playing with both hands and feet
Disadvantages : often injuries in joints and at times dislocation of bones
Dance (popping)
Advantages : ability to isolate and control individual muscles in most of the upper body
Disadvantages : makes a retard look good
Chess (board game)
Advantages :-a source of confidence through winning competitions
- gains and expands logical reasoning
Disadvantages : Nerd
Studies
Advantages : Sets high standards
Disadvantages : always found disappointed with results
English
Advantages : relatively good command of english
Disadvantages : Spelling
Adaptability
Advantages :- ability to adapt to any environment
- ability to sleep on any surface (hard or soft)
- ability to eat a large variety of food
-sensitive to situations and customs
Disadvantages :Multiple personalities
Christianity
Advantages : sound knowledge of the bible
Disadvantages :none -*the disadvantages becomes God's advantage
Discussion :
Results are inconclusive and are subject to a certain period of time.Results and response may alter over time. HOMO-sapiens are prone to change in characteristics due to experiences and randomness.Male HOMO-sapiens as studied above are more predictable in comparison to females.As females tend to contain more random responses and are highly unpredictable.Legend has it that females were once predictable but the thought of it will remain a fantasy to many.
Conclusion :
Subject seemed to respond well and results are accurate to date of report.It is however subjected to change over time.Any errors in report should be reported to the comments section at the bottom of this page.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Send me
As I open up my eyes just to realise,
A world neglected and often despised,
I see people running up and down a road,
Not having a slightest clue which way to go,
I see frustration and hopelessness in their eyes,
every now and then a child within them cries,
They cry out for help but to no avail,
Nobody cares about the weak and frail.
There must be someone who can help them,
There must be someone who can free them,
why are people not answering their cries?
Why do others give excuses and lies?
While Some choose to remain in their comfort zone,
And Some choose to cry out to God and moan,
But here I cry out loud for You to use me,
To make a difference here i am, send me.
A world neglected and often despised,
I see people running up and down a road,
Not having a slightest clue which way to go,
I see frustration and hopelessness in their eyes,
every now and then a child within them cries,
They cry out for help but to no avail,
Nobody cares about the weak and frail.
There must be someone who can help them,
There must be someone who can free them,
why are people not answering their cries?
Why do others give excuses and lies?
While Some choose to remain in their comfort zone,
And Some choose to cry out to God and moan,
But here I cry out loud for You to use me,
To make a difference here i am, send me.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Amazing
Life is a roller coaster..youve just got to ride it.
give me a sign for me to make the 1st move
Amazing how life goes through ups and downs..
Amazing how we lose hope when we are at the bottom
Amazing how we neglect the people who needs help when we are at the top
Amazing how we would rather not be involve with other people's lives as things might complicate
Amazing how God would die for us and yet we are afraid to die for him
Amazing how God would help the tree grow knowing it would be the cross his Son would be nailed.
Amazing how some would compromise the Word to suit them
Amazing how i could fall in love but afraid to admit it, afraid of rejection
Amazing, amazing..
give me a sign for me to make the 1st move
Amazing how life goes through ups and downs..
Amazing how we lose hope when we are at the bottom
Amazing how we neglect the people who needs help when we are at the top
Amazing how we would rather not be involve with other people's lives as things might complicate
Amazing how God would die for us and yet we are afraid to die for him
Amazing how God would help the tree grow knowing it would be the cross his Son would be nailed.
Amazing how some would compromise the Word to suit them
Amazing how i could fall in love but afraid to admit it, afraid of rejection
Amazing, amazing..
Friday, September 07, 2007
Thanks
I went to bed last night pondering on my Christian walk.I havent been moving forward lately. all i have done is maintained myself from where i was.I needed to keep on moving and i knew studies had been the main distracting factor.I prayed a prayer "GOd bring me closer". and i slept.
Woke up at 5am..had to be in school for a SAC at 7.30.I was driving in the wee hours of the morning.After exiting the garage, i drove for 1km and all of a sudden the radio was not working.There was no cd or tapes.It was silence.I tried fumbling around with the radio..this is wierd.It never happenned before.The time shown on the radio was fine...it was still on..even the channel showed 101.9.but no sound was coming out.As far as my knowledge of electrical components was concerned...there was no way i could explain this.
Then i thought about it that moment.I smiled."hi God...its been awhile" was my reply.I recognised that instant that God was trying to speak to me.It was great..i poured my hearts out..my concerns...it was refreshing.THe next moment, words just started flowing out of my mouth, before i realised what was happening, i was singing a song...a song ive never heard of.NOw i know what it meant in the bible when it says "out of the innermost belly the mouth speaks".I found myself singing praises...singing new songs....just ...just amazing.
I reached school all refreshed. thats not the end of it.After school, i got into my car..started the engine and the radio was working again.Coincidence? i think not!
P.s
Thank you God.I needed that.
Woke up at 5am..had to be in school for a SAC at 7.30.I was driving in the wee hours of the morning.After exiting the garage, i drove for 1km and all of a sudden the radio was not working.There was no cd or tapes.It was silence.I tried fumbling around with the radio..this is wierd.It never happenned before.The time shown on the radio was fine...it was still on..even the channel showed 101.9.but no sound was coming out.As far as my knowledge of electrical components was concerned...there was no way i could explain this.
Then i thought about it that moment.I smiled."hi God...its been awhile" was my reply.I recognised that instant that God was trying to speak to me.It was great..i poured my hearts out..my concerns...it was refreshing.THe next moment, words just started flowing out of my mouth, before i realised what was happening, i was singing a song...a song ive never heard of.NOw i know what it meant in the bible when it says "out of the innermost belly the mouth speaks".I found myself singing praises...singing new songs....just ...just amazing.
I reached school all refreshed. thats not the end of it.After school, i got into my car..started the engine and the radio was working again.Coincidence? i think not!
P.s
Thank you God.I needed that.
Sunday, September 02, 2007
ramble
GOing through 19 years of life, i have learned that the worst relationship to be in is when u run out of words to say.
sometimes feelings are not meant to be told but to be kept because it changes everything..everything...maybe some things just arent meant to be and some should just be kept silent until time kills it permanently... and life moves on.
You cant admit...u cant because everything goes wrong.THings are good where they are...but i want better.When suddenly the Want and the need starts to mariginalise themselves ...u become ignorant of what is not needed.
to cage this feeling is not easy.locks of patience and a cement of self control is needed.help.
sometimes feelings are not meant to be told but to be kept because it changes everything..everything...maybe some things just arent meant to be and some should just be kept silent until time kills it permanently... and life moves on.
You cant admit...u cant because everything goes wrong.THings are good where they are...but i want better.When suddenly the Want and the need starts to mariginalise themselves ...u become ignorant of what is not needed.
to cage this feeling is not easy.locks of patience and a cement of self control is needed.help.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Wait
YOu took me as a caterpillar and wrapped me in a cocoon...a place ive been for the past 2 years....and ive learn alot being in here.truely i cant deny that ive gained alot..You have given me such annointing .....is it possible for a man to even contain all these talents,gifts and knowledge?God give me the opportunity to use each one of them only for your glory and nothing else...so that ipeople will focus their eyes on you.Rebuke me God if ever I mention to people more of "I" than "God"...rebuke me if ever i lead people to myself and not you...Discard me from your promises if ever i put your name to shame. but GOd, I am now ready....ready to break out of this cacoon and show forth to the world how much you have mentored me ....NO one...no one has yet to see what YOu can do through this vessel... and as i avail myself....i know the time is soon. im going to break out from this state ive been and spread the wings which ive developed in this cocoon...this place of you and me.Im ready.... but as for your timing...i shall wait and remain silent.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Jigsaw puzzle
Right in front of me...on the top right hand side was a beautiful picture...It was a venetian boat gliding on the water leaving a ripple of soft smooth waves.The sun was orange and it reflected on the water providing a glamorous picture.That instant moment was priceless.how i wish i was in that picture enjoying the luxurious life that place has to offer. before my trail of thoughts went any further, i took up a piece of jigsaw puzzle.It was a blue piece.i looked carefully at my half done puzzle of the picture.this blue piece doesnt seem to fit anywhere.it had an odd shape, one that was not squarish but more of a trapezium shape. there were gaps both top and bottom and little things sticking out on both sides.it looked weird and did not seem to match any part of the picture.
Its been two days now since i have bought this piece of puzzle.It was the glorious picture that caught my eye in the store and i thought y not try it out.
i took the piece of puzzle and stared at it.i thought to myself..can this be a mistake?maybe this one doesnt fit at all in the puzzle.maybe it is a manufacturing problem.hmmm .after and hour or so ...after fixing up 3 quarters of the picture, i found out that the odd looking piece fitted nicely right at the bottom corner of the picture.
You know, sometimes in life, there are moments or situations we go through that we dont understand why it happens.We seem to look at it and ask ourselves how in the world is God going to use that to fit in his plan?You see your situations may have holes in it, flaws, terrible mistakes, sin.....but you know what...without that piece of your life, your life is not complete, your picture is not complete.YOu can throw that piece away, but it leaves a hole in the picture.do u realize that the gaps and the odd shapes of a puzzle piece actually binds the puzzle stronger?
God has a plan for everything and no matter how terrible your past was...It was there to fit into the big picture .....
Its been two days now since i have bought this piece of puzzle.It was the glorious picture that caught my eye in the store and i thought y not try it out.
i took the piece of puzzle and stared at it.i thought to myself..can this be a mistake?maybe this one doesnt fit at all in the puzzle.maybe it is a manufacturing problem.hmmm .after and hour or so ...after fixing up 3 quarters of the picture, i found out that the odd looking piece fitted nicely right at the bottom corner of the picture.
You know, sometimes in life, there are moments or situations we go through that we dont understand why it happens.We seem to look at it and ask ourselves how in the world is God going to use that to fit in his plan?You see your situations may have holes in it, flaws, terrible mistakes, sin.....but you know what...without that piece of your life, your life is not complete, your picture is not complete.YOu can throw that piece away, but it leaves a hole in the picture.do u realize that the gaps and the odd shapes of a puzzle piece actually binds the puzzle stronger?
God has a plan for everything and no matter how terrible your past was...It was there to fit into the big picture .....
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
what a day
Shuffling about my seat..i glanced at the time, 3pm.Wow..ive been here for 5 hours...at the same seat.Well this morning i thought it would be a good idea to get down to the library to do some studying.Why not at home?Because there's too many distractions..i often find myself doing something else..running to the kitchen to grab a bite etc. So i headed down to the library..narre warren library...wasnt facinating...no private study area.i spotted a table near the window.That will do i guess.
Before long..5 hours just flew by with me still in the same seat.Wow.Im a nerd!Then a group of boys walked by...they were talking very loudly..As far as i could make out from their conversation...2 of them were trying to prove to the other two boys why the bible is iilogical..a myth.I couldnt help but to eavesdrop.And boy those two who wanted to prove the bible wrong certainly knew the bible well..They had strong facts and strong questions....it was obvious they had done a thorough research on it.
Their conversation went on.the more i heard it the more i aggrevated i became...they were despising the bible...saying it was juz some magic tricks...its just a myth..why this and why that...then a lady stood up and went to their table...she too couldnt take it and was there to defend her faith.(she was hot). ok continuing.... then i thought everything should be fine...soon..the lady ran out of words...she was caught in the corner....and like all gentlemen do...i stood up.
i walked towards the group and this was how it went
Me : hi, i couldnt help but to listen to your conversation..i really found it interesting with the questions being raised.do you mind if i join in?
Guy 1 : sure....
Me : regarding your earlier question..you asked how is it possible for all animals to gather in noah's ark.and what about dinasaurs?it sounds impossible isnt it?i mean 1st of all its hard enough for a human to even order animals around...ahah
Guy 1: yea that, and also ive seen lions eating deers and all that.how can it be possible for all of them to be in the same boat?
Me : Here's the deal. Do you know that the world used to have only 1 piece of land before it was seperated into different continents over time?By the way that was how people were seperated all over the world.After the flood noahs decendents went around the world...and over time...the land got seperated and thats how you have north and south america...asia..africa, etc
Guy 1: yea..i know that..
Me : I thought so u would.its basic knowledge anyway.So why is it not possible for all the land animals to meet at once place ?Since the land is not seperated, it would be easy for land animals to gather together.And if God is the one who created these animals..don't you think God can instruct the animals to go to noah?
Guy 3 says to guy 1 : you just got owned dude.!
Guy 1 : then how about all the animals in one boat without eating each other ?
Me : HOw do you think animals are kept in the zoos?but animals could be kept in one area.My point is...animals could be kept in cages and im sure Noah would know how to seperate the animals properly.for example carnivorous on the upper deck...etc.
Chick : yea! im sure they have boundries and cages!
Me : Also note that if God can shut the lion's mouth...he can prevent them from eating each other...
Guy 2 : what about dinasaurs.they cant fit in! and all the animals in the world? come on!
Me : Well...Noah diddnt put all the animals in the boat. Only land animals..and do you know that the bigger animals are mostly in the sea?and since it flooded....these marine life could just continue in their habitat....Marine animals are probably 100x bigger than land animals...and thats why Noah diddnt need to keep them on the boat.
chick : yea! like whales!
*she was funny...*
*silence*
Me : ( to break the awkward silence) i also found it facinating how you would say God is not real..because you cant see him.hmmm....Do you see the air particles?
Guy 1 : No..
Me : you cant see them but u can feel the effect of it..the wind..the breathing...YOu see, God may not be seen but u can see the effects of it..the nature...the living organisms..everything around us proves it.
Guy 3 : thats right..
Guy 1 : why then are there poor people in the world if God loves them?
Me : A poor person wouldnt know he is poor unless he compares himself with someone richer..
Guy 3 : wow..true..
* the conversation went for one hour.....covering everything...literally everything...i mean 1 hour....gosh*
*cut the long story short*
GUy 1 : whatever it is i still wont believe this bible...it just doesnt make sense
Me : to be honest...i cant force you to...im not here to force you to believe it.Im here to tell you the reason why i believe in it.You ask me why ...i answer.BUt for you to believe it..God needs to touch you personally.
So what do you know...today was just great...i later found out that chick goes to roman prebytarian somewhere in narre warren.... thats besides the point =p
Before long..5 hours just flew by with me still in the same seat.Wow.Im a nerd!Then a group of boys walked by...they were talking very loudly..As far as i could make out from their conversation...2 of them were trying to prove to the other two boys why the bible is iilogical..a myth.I couldnt help but to eavesdrop.And boy those two who wanted to prove the bible wrong certainly knew the bible well..They had strong facts and strong questions....it was obvious they had done a thorough research on it.
Their conversation went on.the more i heard it the more i aggrevated i became...they were despising the bible...saying it was juz some magic tricks...its just a myth..why this and why that...then a lady stood up and went to their table...she too couldnt take it and was there to defend her faith.(she was hot). ok continuing.... then i thought everything should be fine...soon..the lady ran out of words...she was caught in the corner....and like all gentlemen do...i stood up.
i walked towards the group and this was how it went
Me : hi, i couldnt help but to listen to your conversation..i really found it interesting with the questions being raised.do you mind if i join in?
Guy 1 : sure....
Me : regarding your earlier question..you asked how is it possible for all animals to gather in noah's ark.and what about dinasaurs?it sounds impossible isnt it?i mean 1st of all its hard enough for a human to even order animals around...ahah
Guy 1: yea that, and also ive seen lions eating deers and all that.how can it be possible for all of them to be in the same boat?
Me : Here's the deal. Do you know that the world used to have only 1 piece of land before it was seperated into different continents over time?By the way that was how people were seperated all over the world.After the flood noahs decendents went around the world...and over time...the land got seperated and thats how you have north and south america...asia..africa, etc
Guy 1: yea..i know that..
Me : I thought so u would.its basic knowledge anyway.So why is it not possible for all the land animals to meet at once place ?Since the land is not seperated, it would be easy for land animals to gather together.And if God is the one who created these animals..don't you think God can instruct the animals to go to noah?
Guy 3 says to guy 1 : you just got owned dude.!
Guy 1 : then how about all the animals in one boat without eating each other ?
Me : HOw do you think animals are kept in the zoos?but animals could be kept in one area.My point is...animals could be kept in cages and im sure Noah would know how to seperate the animals properly.for example carnivorous on the upper deck...etc.
Chick : yea! im sure they have boundries and cages!
Me : Also note that if God can shut the lion's mouth...he can prevent them from eating each other...
Guy 2 : what about dinasaurs.they cant fit in! and all the animals in the world? come on!
Me : Well...Noah diddnt put all the animals in the boat. Only land animals..and do you know that the bigger animals are mostly in the sea?and since it flooded....these marine life could just continue in their habitat....Marine animals are probably 100x bigger than land animals...and thats why Noah diddnt need to keep them on the boat.
chick : yea! like whales!
*she was funny...*
*silence*
Me : ( to break the awkward silence) i also found it facinating how you would say God is not real..because you cant see him.hmmm....Do you see the air particles?
Guy 1 : No..
Me : you cant see them but u can feel the effect of it..the wind..the breathing...YOu see, God may not be seen but u can see the effects of it..the nature...the living organisms..everything around us proves it.
Guy 3 : thats right..
Guy 1 : why then are there poor people in the world if God loves them?
Me : A poor person wouldnt know he is poor unless he compares himself with someone richer..
Guy 3 : wow..true..
* the conversation went for one hour.....covering everything...literally everything...i mean 1 hour....gosh*
*cut the long story short*
GUy 1 : whatever it is i still wont believe this bible...it just doesnt make sense
Me : to be honest...i cant force you to...im not here to force you to believe it.Im here to tell you the reason why i believe in it.You ask me why ...i answer.BUt for you to believe it..God needs to touch you personally.
So what do you know...today was just great...i later found out that chick goes to roman prebytarian somewhere in narre warren.... thats besides the point =p
Monday, June 18, 2007
How do I love the Lord with every part of me for every moment of my life?
How do I love the Lord with every part of me for every moment of my life?
i mean the point is Jesus said if u do not obey me...u dont love me..
and to love God, u must do it with all your heart, soul and mind...
but the reality is do we love God with ALL of our heart?each day, as you live your life and sneeze another day by, do you actually conciously THink,eat,walk 100% of your day focussing on God? is it then impossible to give our ALL to God?doesnt then that makes us sin everyday?
The fact is...its true that we cant!
Romans 3:23
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God
Paul here clearly states how we stand before God.No way there is a possibility that we are able to give our all.BUt just as the way GOd says "be perfect for i am perfect".Jesus here puts it in similar fashion providing us a benchmark towards what we should strive for by saying
"Deuteronomy 6:5
Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength."
It is only by God and by him alone do have the ability to repent from our sins.
Psalm 18:32
It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.
for awhile i have thought of the bible as being a blank picture with lines drawn to form a picture.And i thought my job was to colour that picture as beautifully as i can not going out of the lines. BUT now i realise that christianity is more than just colouring between the lines.Christianity is more than just obeying laws after laws..Christianity is more than trying to be sinless so you can get to heaven.
We are all created differently and therefore our worship and lifestyle should not be stereotyped by what others think it should be.When Jesus was asked about the laws.Jesus replied the same answer "love the LORD your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul". It is a matter of where our heart is and how much we prioritize him in our lives. Lifting up hands and closing our eyes during prayers does not make one holy. Christianity is more than just rituals!It is more than just a confession booth.It is where our heart should be.
Yes, we fall short of it every single day.but Paul urges us in phillipians 3:12
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
i hope this has helped...
i mean the point is Jesus said if u do not obey me...u dont love me..
and to love God, u must do it with all your heart, soul and mind...
but the reality is do we love God with ALL of our heart?each day, as you live your life and sneeze another day by, do you actually conciously THink,eat,walk 100% of your day focussing on God? is it then impossible to give our ALL to God?doesnt then that makes us sin everyday?
The fact is...its true that we cant!
Romans 3:23
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God
Paul here clearly states how we stand before God.No way there is a possibility that we are able to give our all.BUt just as the way GOd says "be perfect for i am perfect".Jesus here puts it in similar fashion providing us a benchmark towards what we should strive for by saying
"Deuteronomy 6:5
Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength."
It is only by God and by him alone do have the ability to repent from our sins.
Psalm 18:32
It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.
for awhile i have thought of the bible as being a blank picture with lines drawn to form a picture.And i thought my job was to colour that picture as beautifully as i can not going out of the lines. BUT now i realise that christianity is more than just colouring between the lines.Christianity is more than just obeying laws after laws..Christianity is more than trying to be sinless so you can get to heaven.
We are all created differently and therefore our worship and lifestyle should not be stereotyped by what others think it should be.When Jesus was asked about the laws.Jesus replied the same answer "love the LORD your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul". It is a matter of where our heart is and how much we prioritize him in our lives. Lifting up hands and closing our eyes during prayers does not make one holy. Christianity is more than just rituals!It is more than just a confession booth.It is where our heart should be.
Yes, we fall short of it every single day.but Paul urges us in phillipians 3:12
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
i hope this has helped...
Saturday, March 10, 2007
The cruxifiction
Of medical significance is that Luke mentions Him as having sweat like blood. The medical term for this, "hemohidrosis" or "hematidrosis" has been seen in patients who have experienced, extreme stress or shock to their systems (Edwards). The capillaries around the sweat pores become fragile and leak blood into the sweat. A case history is recorded in which a young girl who had a fear of air raids in WW1 developed the condition after a gas explosion occurred in the house next door (Scott). Another report mentions a nun who, as she was threatened with death by the swords of the enemy soldiers, "was so terrified that she bled from every part of her body and died of hemorrhage in the sight of her assailants." (Grafenberg)
The scourging prior to crucifixion served to weaken the condemned man and, if blood loss was considerable, to produce orthostatie hypotension and even hypovolemie shock.8, 12 When the victim was thrown to the ground on his back, in preparation for transfixion of the hands, his scourging wounds most likely would become torn open again and contaminated with dirt.2, 16 Furthermore, with each respiration, the painful scourging wounds would be scraped against the rough wood of the stipes. 7 As a result, blood loss from the back probably would continue throughout the crucifixion ordeal.
With arms outstretched but not taut, the wrists were nailed to the patibulum.It has been shown that the ligaments and bones of the wrist can support the weight of a body hanging from them, but the palms cannot.Accordingly, the iron spikes probably were driven between the radius and the carpals or between the two rows of carpal bones, either proximal to or through the strong bandlike flexor retinaeulum and the various interearpal ligaments . Although a nail in either location in the wrist might pass between the bony elements and thereby produce no fractures, the likelihood of painful periosteal injury would seem great. Furthermore, the driven nail would crush or sever the rather large sensorimotor median nerve . The stimulated nerve would produce excruciating bolts of fiery pain in both arms.Although the severed median nerve would result in paralysis of a portion of the hand, isehemie eontraetures and impalement of various ligaments by the iron spike might produce a clawlike grasp.
a blatant truth that twists the blade of a pierced heart.with blood clotted in the heart,unable to circulate its usual path,it has caused chemicals to react within its body to form a solution which is poisonous enough to stop one's heart from beating.No, my saviour did not die of pain or suffering, he died of a broken heart....
Psalm 51:17
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
Isaiah 65:14
My servants will sing out of the joy of their hearts, but you will cry out from anguish of heart and wail in brokenness of spirit.
And yet all that just for you.Sometimes i wonder if its worth all that just for you.but GOd did it.And yet you say you are too busy for him?and yet u say wait till after i finish studying?and when you work u will say you are too busy.I am not asking you weather you know Jesus died or not.I am asking if you REMEMBER!you still think your pain and hurt is that big of a problem now? after all that CHrist has suffered, after all that he has done...what is it compared to yours?Tell me!HOw important is God to you?
spare the next 10 mins of your 39420000 mins of life(assuming u live till 75)...to watch this.If GOd had gone throgh that much just to save you, the least you can do now is watch this clip....
The scourging prior to crucifixion served to weaken the condemned man and, if blood loss was considerable, to produce orthostatie hypotension and even hypovolemie shock.8, 12 When the victim was thrown to the ground on his back, in preparation for transfixion of the hands, his scourging wounds most likely would become torn open again and contaminated with dirt.2, 16 Furthermore, with each respiration, the painful scourging wounds would be scraped against the rough wood of the stipes. 7 As a result, blood loss from the back probably would continue throughout the crucifixion ordeal.
With arms outstretched but not taut, the wrists were nailed to the patibulum.It has been shown that the ligaments and bones of the wrist can support the weight of a body hanging from them, but the palms cannot.Accordingly, the iron spikes probably were driven between the radius and the carpals or between the two rows of carpal bones, either proximal to or through the strong bandlike flexor retinaeulum and the various interearpal ligaments . Although a nail in either location in the wrist might pass between the bony elements and thereby produce no fractures, the likelihood of painful periosteal injury would seem great. Furthermore, the driven nail would crush or sever the rather large sensorimotor median nerve . The stimulated nerve would produce excruciating bolts of fiery pain in both arms.Although the severed median nerve would result in paralysis of a portion of the hand, isehemie eontraetures and impalement of various ligaments by the iron spike might produce a clawlike grasp.
a blatant truth that twists the blade of a pierced heart.with blood clotted in the heart,unable to circulate its usual path,it has caused chemicals to react within its body to form a solution which is poisonous enough to stop one's heart from beating.No, my saviour did not die of pain or suffering, he died of a broken heart....
Psalm 51:17
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
Isaiah 65:14
My servants will sing out of the joy of their hearts, but you will cry out from anguish of heart and wail in brokenness of spirit.
And yet all that just for you.Sometimes i wonder if its worth all that just for you.but GOd did it.And yet you say you are too busy for him?and yet u say wait till after i finish studying?and when you work u will say you are too busy.I am not asking you weather you know Jesus died or not.I am asking if you REMEMBER!you still think your pain and hurt is that big of a problem now? after all that CHrist has suffered, after all that he has done...what is it compared to yours?Tell me!HOw important is God to you?
spare the next 10 mins of your 39420000 mins of life(assuming u live till 75)...to watch this.If GOd had gone throgh that much just to save you, the least you can do now is watch this clip....
Friday, March 09, 2007
a journey unseen
life, despicable to its nature, u reach a peak then u slide down a valley only to torment your tired and restless body,pushing yourself again to conquer the next peak,the next hurdle.Hurdles which are not for the faint hearted, hurdles that only some will suceed,others run away. how much more can this body,this mind, this soul endure?If only the peaks were laid with green pastures,with streams of living water,but no, a peak with rocks and caves,darkness rule the night as the mountain overshadows the moon.One can only hope that the next step is safe.
What is it that pushes me on?Do i fabricate another world and live pretending a life confabulating my own mind?Or do i face up the challenges ahead taking it one step at a time?.an obvious decision but leaves many in dilemma,many unwilling do be vulnerable to the truth,many who dispels what they think isnt right for them, filtering one's thoughts with their own motive.It is time now.To rise up and face the challenges of life! though u may fall but because you fall, you could stand again,because you fail thats y u succeed. Success without failure can be fantasized but down right unrealistic.
Because people fail you, thats why u grow stronger.because others hate you, thats why u love others.because life is a journey, thats why you need to put the next leg forward.because you are not alone in this.you are not..
What is it that pushes me on?Do i fabricate another world and live pretending a life confabulating my own mind?Or do i face up the challenges ahead taking it one step at a time?.an obvious decision but leaves many in dilemma,many unwilling do be vulnerable to the truth,many who dispels what they think isnt right for them, filtering one's thoughts with their own motive.It is time now.To rise up and face the challenges of life! though u may fall but because you fall, you could stand again,because you fail thats y u succeed. Success without failure can be fantasized but down right unrealistic.
Because people fail you, thats why u grow stronger.because others hate you, thats why u love others.because life is a journey, thats why you need to put the next leg forward.because you are not alone in this.you are not..
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