Mistakes?

Unfolding a new chapter of life would not be possible without the speculation of its ending. But what becomes more gratifying is the plot that has lead up to this frame of time. It is nothing new to be looking forward to how life will lead but it is futile if we do not recognize how life has puzzled itself through the many thicks and thins, rough and smooth times to bring about into production of our character in which we are defined today.

The proposition of life having all seemingly insignificant moments of life becomes surprisingly significant in another frame of time. Through all the mishaps, mistakes, misjudgements made, it has but became lessons in which we learned in practicality rather than throratically. They were classrooms without the four walls. Yes they were mistakes, but because something was gleaned from it, there will be no regrets.

Life afterall is a choice.Because of choice, there was room made for mistakes. Because there was room for mistakes, we need a guide. Because we need a guide, we were given the Word. God, the source of wisdom, knew choices can be devastating but yet can be the most phenomenal experience if used wisely.With choice, Adam sinned and with choice, Jesus saved.

And because of choice, we can love. and Love is God.

-Sean

Something to share

Is there Something you like to share,

Being the one I love, cherish and care,

Day til night I will always be there,

In your suffering I too will bear,

Alone on my knees I often ask God,

Not knowing He knew what I sought,

Every night I prayed to the Lord,

Release thy blessings through thy sword

Ask and you shall receive He said,

I took His word and boldly prayed,

Send me someone from heaven today,

Apart from everything Lord have your way,

Thank You God for answering my prayer that day.

Beautiful Soul

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Your beautiful soul, yeah
You might need time to think it over
But im just fine moving forward
I'll ease your mind
If you give me the chance
I will never make you cry c`mon lets try

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Am I crazy for wanting you
Baby do you think you could want me too
I don't wanna waste your time
Do you see things the way I do
I just wanna know if you feel it too
There is nothing left to hide

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

You beautiful soul, yeah.

From the album Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney.

Cast my burdens...

my exam is next week and I barely know anything. I dont have time. No wait I have time but too many things are going on at the same time. This time im really being pushed to my max. Ive got to get a house within this week, get electricity, internet, gas, water, have to clean the house,. Yet, my exam is next week, and on top of that, all these silly things happening around me. Im tired, but i cant take a break. My exams in a few more days...4 days to be exact. Know nuts about it.

God help me. I need to balance all of these that is happening around me. God you hold everything together. You said in Your word that the whole creation is held together by your power. In you all things exist, and because of You all things exist. Situation may be tough mentally, physically and emotionally but I know that through my weakness, I will know Your strength. Help me to focus on my exams and give me understanding on the things I read. Grant me my picture memory again so I wont have to keep reading the same thing over and over again to memorize it. Whatever the results will be, may everyone know that it was not my works but Your handiwork that was working.

.

dissapointed

Time

Time...it needs it to build and yet because of it destroys. Careful steps taken yet, got too tangled up. Who am I doing it for...Why am I doing it? I had the right focus but somehow it strayed as suddenly I begin to think I could have gotten more. Emotionally tangled. But I am getting there..
rethink..refocus... forget what I could have...cuz I know He prepares the best and I wouldnt settle for second best. Every step I have taken thus far was all led by Him. I realize how far it has strayed without Him as my focus.
God, take away my distractions. bring me to your solitary place again. Too many pending decisions and I cant decide without your guidance as I will always make wrong decisions without your consultation. Relinquish me from my own captivity and bring me to another level of dependance on you.

13th June nearing and its gonna be time to do some car shopping. By now, after nearly 21 yrs I think I know what cars I dont want. Dont think Im sure I know what car I want yet.lol.... God, are you finished with my car yet? when will it be ready?lol..everything is about time isnt it.

Time...it needs it to build and yet because of it destroys.

I know

I know whats happening. 

I know what happened.I know but I pretend not to know. Or do I really know? I am certain...very certain ....or am I? Even if it is so, why then does it feel this way? Why then does it have to be this way. Why do I have to see things and pick up suttle clues. Why do I have to know. Why.

I know what you did. 

Maybe it was better not knowing.better living in self denial.Would time be proportonal to the actions we do like what einstein said? If so, let me move faster, let me run like the wind and skip this part of life. 

Or maybe, just maybe Ive been brought to this situation again and again and yet I run. the easy way out. Do I stick up to it this time. Is it worth sticking up to it. Maybe, just ....just maybe its time I did something different.

Open your eyes.

What do I do now. I cant wait. I cant rush. I cant run. I cant endure. Or maybe I can but I choose not to. Why cant you see.. 

Look at me

Why? Why not.  Maybe its the things I do. The commitment ive placed. I hope you see it the way I see it. 

Im beginnning to like my car. Not gonna look for a new one.

I want to keep my old car.Its not for sale.No test driving without me knowing. No, let me rephrase that ;  No test-drive. period.

Getting a car?

 It came in with a polished surface. Beautiful on the exterior with a metalic shine on it to top it off. But the car just wouldnt start. The engine dies every few minutes. The wipers wouldnt move. The seats in the car were not that bad, but it obviously needed a little cleaning. 

So i started cleaning it, vacuming the seats, fixing the wipers, changed the battery. It took me hours to have it all done. Alas it was clean interiorly. With a sigh of relief, i sat in the front seat of the car, wiping the sweat off my brow. Slided the seatbelt across my chest, placed on feet firmly on the clutch and one on the accelerator.after making sure it is on free gear, I turned the ignition key on.The roaring of the engine was music to my ears...then suddenly it died. I tried again...and it died 2 mins later.

Then I began to realize how insignificant all my hard work had been. I tried cleaning up the interior, fixing what I could fix but the car still needed to stay alive on its own. The engine needed to run...and nothing I can do will keep it running. The most I can do is to start the engine, after that it is the engine that has to choose to continue what I started. 

I cant hold on longer. I cant always be the one holding things together. Limitation is reality. As much as I try to bring the best out of it, I can only do so much. The rest..its up to it.  I thought a nice exterior would be nice as a car to show off to others. But what is the use of it if it cant run on its own? Whats the use of it if I have to keep starting the engine over and over again just to keep it running?

Do I want to keep this car? I dont know. Or should I start shopping for a better one. I dont know. Is there a car thats good on the exterior,interior, good smooth engine ...and cheap?ahha..not that I cant afford but low maintainence is always an advantage...no?

I think thats why I will always be without a car and would always be walking alone...lol.

Orbituary

*cited from The Star paper on the 21st of Jan.*

For the man who had nothing...and defied all odds and circumstances to have made something out of nothing ...through hard work..

and now..

is remembered as the man who left behind a legacy of succesful children and gandchildren...

We...are.... his legacy...

Trust

This predicament is nothing cryptic.Gone through it a million times and yet still awaiting for a definitive answer. It is as though a moment of frisson was stucked somewhere in the lower lobe of my lung, The sensation of it leaping out yet with strain and agony I hold it back within, supressing it down. For what reason, I do not know. Maybe I'm afraid.Dauntedly apprehensive of what it might become.

One thing comes to mind. Trust.

Suspiciously a childish term used to encourage oneself in times of dilemma. Choices certainly do get bigger as we grow older. Trouble is not only are the choices necessary but the thought of living through the consequences of it for the rest of my life is horrifying.

Yet, Trust.

But what do I trust in?Trust doesnt give me an answer on which to choose? Trust doesnt show me how to choose them. Trust doesnt answer any of my questions!!

But still the word flashes in mind, Trust.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding"

Bye 2008

The young and futile mind would revolve around materialism, money and popularity. Why? Have we ever wondered why? Have we ever considered or thought of why do we want so badly for people around to notice us? Why do we care about what people might think of us? Everyone, unless you live in your own denial, does to a certain extend care about what others may think of them, hence the dressing, the character, the outlook appearance.

But having achieved all these by the age of 20(too a certain extend that is), helps me cherish this Christmas all the more. I realize that this Christmas, I wasnt looking forward to gifts or presents but more so I looked forward to cards and wishes and company. I diddnt need people to buy me things, I could buy them on my own. I didnt need more money, I have more than what I need. I diddnt need to be more popular, I have a wide enough circle of friends. But one thing I cherished most this Christmas, were words of encouragement, Christmas cards written, letters, sms, e-mails. Those are the stuff I cant buy with my own money, those are the things earned from every drop of sweat this year.And some come undeservingly. 

I realize the gift I had this year was not something that was tangible but rather a character that would last a long time...

Thanks 2008.