CHANGE

Everything is different, everything is changing.

Church.I used to observe but now Im more involved than ever.wednesdays fridays and sundays. Guitaring,worship leading, backup singing, sharing, planning.I want to do more! but what? I dont want to burnout nor do i want to maintain the fire.I want to burn bigger and brighter

Studies. I used to excell but now im struggling to be at the top. im nowhere near the top. I need help. I need time to study. I need the mood to study. I thought i was good until i found myself in a class of melbourne nerds.

Work. I used to enjoy my work with my colleagues but now everyone has left and now its a new set of people.everyones new.I cant fit in. I force myself to work. Everyone(esp the new manager) is dependant on me for the performance of the store. I like it but i Dont. I want to concentrate on my studies.

Hold me close,

Let your love surrounds me,

bring me near,

draw me to your side,

as i wait,

ill rise up like a eagle,

and i will soar with you,

your spirit leads me on,

by the power of your love.

My account of my birthday....

SO my 1st birthday wish started 30 minutes before the clock striked 12. She called and it was cool catching up on the long lost years that we've been apart.SHe has her life now...i have mine .Although we are living in two different countries , it still fails to change the care-free chat that we would always have.to chat just about anything...everything. It was great, refreshing and certainly assuring that there are still people around who still have my back.

By 12am, the influx of sms came in with the constant beeping of my phone while i was still on the phone. Even after I got off the phone at half past 12 the messages were ruining my sleep...up till 2am.Do i mind? no...Its nice to be loved...to feel loved..... thanks every one.....disturb me anytime you want.....anytime!


I awoke the next day, did my usual routines and headed off to berwick to pick her up. It was raining. I thankedGod for cooling down my day and I told God thats about enough...I think I need sunshine now =). And so ...sunshine it was! Upon reaching my destination, there it was ...God's gift....A perfectly semicircle rainbow majestically arrayed in the sky. I looked up to the heavens and said "so that was what the early rain was for? thanks for going through so much trouble God...I really appreciate it....Its a birthday gift Man can never make...but only God can."
Thank you God, for making me feel special today.

We then had a movie and dinner after.I was spoilt.really.For the first time, I diddnt come out a cent. yes, my first time. THANKS.

then people started calling in wiching happy birthday....ahhhaha its great to feel special even if it is for one day.I guss if you get this everyday...you wouldnt feel special anymore.

then it was night....i had my youth meeting on.It was awesome...fantastic.... The atmosphere was great. I had candles, cake....and a birthday song. I had hugs...and lotsa love. Youth has been a very encouraging source and is certainly playing a big role in my growth and walk with God.

We started at 8, and ended at 12. No one wanted to leave....it was just great company and I miss them already. Now we have 15 and should be hitting 20 by july or august. God will provide.
God, I pray that you can be real to them as you are so real to me.Make them feel special just like you have always done to me. LEt your favour be so evident upon their lives that theres only one person to point the glory back which is to you oh God. LOve you.

*P.s not forgeting those who came on msn and also those who left their wishes via e-mail, facebook friendster and also those who called me up at various times through the day....THANKS HEAPS!*

Just for you God

The more i look at it, the more frustrated i AM. Give me patience God. Teach me to love because out of my will, I cant. The more frustrated I am .....the more I am at the verge of giving up. At that very edge, I lose all hope, I lose all strength.....I began to take a second look. The more I look at it, the more similarities I see in me.

I see me in it. Thank you God for opening my eyes to see things that I would never have known if it wasnt for this.Break it Lord, I strive for perfection, perfection in character because I want to be the best for you.Show me more O lord.

TEach me forgiveness and teach me rebuke at the same time. Neither strong on one nor weak on another. Teach me joyfullness and compassion.Teach me dependability and independence.Teach me Patience and courage. Teach me contentment and diligence. Never let one be stronger than another.

All I want....and all I ever need from you is for you to look down smilin and say "well done son."
Ill make you a proud father.

JAP FOOOD

We had an all you can eat JAp food!!!!! wahahaha like seriously all-you can eat....... and it was jap. haha well im back and working agan. Introducing my team at Clayton...

From left: Jon, me , siew , fay

The cup

I gazed thoughtfully at my cup. It was big, glossy on the outside with artistic streaks of lines lined randomly. It was a nice cup, In fact it caught my attention as I walked in the store. I held the cup in my hands, unsure if I should put it back on the shelf. Should I do my shopping 1st and come back later for the cup? Maybe I'll find something better than this....

I inspected the cup thoroughly. It had the potential to hold large amounts of liquids. It was larger at the top in contrast to the base of the cup.It wasnt very stable. But then I ask myself why do i need a new cup? Do i really need it? It looked good on the outside but on the inside...there were stains. Has someone used itbefore? BUt it looked good....maybe I could just buy it and wash it up later. Are the stains permanent? Or can they be removed?

Should I just take the cup and attempt to wash it up? What if the stains dont go? will I still keep it?Will I look for another cup or do I just keep washing it in hope that one day the stain will go.The more i thought about it the longer i was holding the cup. The longer i held the cup, the more people thought it was mine.Should I just put it back and find something cleaner to save me the trouble of washing? Or was I being too fussy?

what do I do?

Life as a game of chess

I remember being naive of the pieces i was moving across the board. I moved each piece in sequence of what i thought should be the right move.I never thought more about it. Each move i made were just a mere understanding of which direction it is capable of moving.

Then i moved on and realise that there was more to it.I could actually win this thing. I had an idea in my head and I carelessly moved the pieces awaiting the glorious moment of saying "checkmate" and looking at the opponent staring blankly at the board.Of course there were times when i would be at the oter end of it sighing my way out of my seat.

As i progressed further, I got better at it. I could now anticipate not 2 not 3 not 4...but 12 moves ahead.That was at the very pinicle of my game. Not only could I anticipate but I could move pieces suttly enough to beat the very best at their game. My game could not be anticipated.why? its unorthodoxed. Making them play they way I want them to play, an unfamiliar territory is where they are most vulnerable at. Making them unsecure with an unfamiliar game play, its impossible to predict the next move.Before you know it, the pieces are restricted and have limited movement while i bask in the vastness of mobility.

Then slowly the game shows up, the plan surfaces. ideas 12 moves before were now in placed and going for another 12 moves ahead. They see it but its too late to do anything about it now.

Life unknowingly is awfully similar to the game of chess. Every move represents a decision. Sometimes a sacrifice is required to achieve a higher goal.Sometimes we make decisions based on anticipation of what the consequences would be and sometimes based on a gut feeling. Its a matter of weather you let life control you, or let life be at your control.Break free from setreotypical ways of playing the game and go unorthodox. Why let life decide for you when you can decide for it? The timers been hit and its your move!

Take me away

Take me far far away,
to the place they always say,
oh do take me there today,
please PLease make a way,

Im tired, im exhausted ,
more than that im frustrated,
but God youre always there,
to remind me that you care,

thanks for the stars once again,
thanks for moon to light my lane,
thanks for the opportunity to serve,
thanks for your guidance above,

Youre always there beside me,
through rough seas you carry me,
Amazing how youre always there for me,
I love you as much as you love me. =)

busybusybusy

it was a busy busy week. Thought i had enough of work and studies(and dates) to juggle with....now with steph down here, haha i have to sueeze abit of time for her =p.

Well it was worth it.AT least i had an excuse to go out. If it wasnt for her, my feet would be cemented to my room floor doing assignments. Well, now im still in a rush to complete it but hey, i found time to have fun ~! =)

busy busy busy, everyone who is aware of my weekly schedule will kow what im talking about.

uni is 5 days a week 9-6 with breaks in between

i squeeze bout 30 hours of work a week

the remaining hours i have is basically for dinner and also my sleeping time.

if im lucky, i'll get 3-4 hours a week to do my homework.

surprisingly i managed to squeeze 6 hours this week for luxury purposes at the expense of my homework hours. But it was worth it.(at least i hope it is until i get my results lol)

Cheers

things got better..or did it?

Well...i dont know if this is a good thing....
I just got an assistant manager post...which means my salary will change...
but...theres a catch to it. i have to work 20 hrs a week.

well i can do that but hey, its gonna be full on work + study everyday from 9-6pm from now.
is that worth it? i hope...

i need strength to carry on....
when im weak..u make me strong.

MArch!!

March was just an extraordinary month for me...

I received...

50 dollars voucher - highest sales
50 dollars voucher - rated extraordinary by a mystery shopper
20 dollars + 10 dollars voucher - highest sales in one day ( thanks nikki )

Its funny cuz i dont talk much back in malaysia...and over here i talk too much..haha
who wouldve thought of sean doing sales seriously.... haha

maybe this could be my permanent job and i shld just quit radiography...ahahha

anyway...evrything is just running so smoothly..~! woooooo

God is great!

wow....what a weeek!!

managing a shop is fun....well, at least its something different for a change..
there's always something new to learn, hence it kills the mundane routine of my job.

something that would be a surprise to some of u ......ive 10 dollars left out of the 190 dollars worth of credit i had....and its 2 more weeks before the billing cycle rolls over. i think i need a higher cap lol.....or the skype phone! i need that freee 4000 minutes a month.

gosh...im bringing my job everywhere i go! enough sean...enough!

well today was funny....we were in the anatomy lab where there were bags of dead ppl....and some parts that were cut up were laying on the table. well....while i was carrying a limb from one place to another....i spilled some fluid that was in the tray holding the limb onto this other girl...ahha.... !!!

well im currently balancing my studies....my job and the newly pioneered church....
considering my studies is 5 days a week....and my job is during my breaks.....thats a full day from monday to saturday for me.... i still hv to slot in church into saturday and sunday....and somehow i still manage to slot in dates in bewteen some weekdays. Im just exhausted...i nee a break..but i wont get it... when uni break starts....my clicnical placement starts....so basically...i have no breaks this year....go sean! u'll make it thru somehow.....

other than that....it has been great.... u noe those times when u go thru the downs of life....there is always a time when it goes up again and u reap the rewards for it? well theres that time now.... but i know tests and struggles would be coming my way again and I dont wanna be to contented in this environment and not be on my guard for the tough times ahead. whatever the situation is, nothing ever changes the fact that God is great and is greatly to be praised!

Homeless guy

today was probably one of the most fulfilling day i have ever had...

Mel and I left the planet shakers church to talk to this homeless guy by the road side...we ended up talking for 2 hours. Ive learned so much from him. How life can be so simple and yet we complicate it.

We offered to bring him out for lunch but he diddnt want to. SO we just sat at the stairs and had our chat there. Lovely guy!

We learn about how life has taken his toll on him...how he got into drugs. We talked about his family...his life...his perspective of life....

He is a wise guy i must say...He is very knowledgable... He talks about the way different organisations run in the city. The way they help homeless people etc. How pointless some of them are and how he enjoys different kinds of approach...

Sitting down and having a chat with him was probably one of the most meaning ful times ive had.If ever any1 drops by the old abandoned salvation army building...near parliament station...there is a guy there by the stairs under a tree...his name is Darren... say hi for me. He's a lovely guy to talk to!

We diddnt bring him to church but we brought the church to him =).

God is great!

randomzz

ok i woke up in the morning.....with my blinds still shut. turned on the computer and adjusted my laptop camera. This was how it was before... And this is how it is after..... yes i look tired. Thanks to nikki who woke me up...lol
anyway....this is a random post... and my laptop's webcam is working....so any1 wanna play some webcam? lol

randomness...imoff

update

well im starting to be myself more these days. yeap~!
im starting to skip lectures~! wooo~!

thats more like it...back to old school.....skipping classes and all...
aaah....that just makes me miss the good old times...

i remembered how we used to run though the forest and come out on the other side of school ...
walk down the hill to the taxi stand and take a taxi off to the shopping centres.
hoping the principal or security guard would not spot us.
well that explains my exceleent record of attence...whch ws 50% i think =)

that was then..

now , no chains bound, i can just skip lectures when i feel like it. awesome.
no more running in bushes and getting caught in spider webs...


well todays tutorial was fun..
we learned how to convince someone to take off their clothes...haha
not only that....we learned how to make sure that all clothes are taken off the patient....
i think i chose the right course =)
haha jk................. NOT

ayways....im lovin this course ....

placing the pieces

It starts now. finally....

the red light went off and the green light shone. not the brightest, but still visible.

finally, all the preperation made sense. finally the pieces of the puzzle for the last 10 years could be seen being put together.each placed nicely forming a picture.

the picture is not complete, but at least i can see where it is heading now.



some parts im uncertain but at least part of the picture is fixed, i know what pieces to put alongside it now....



now take me from here, to the place where I am destined to be. Let me exceed your expectations God.Let me fulfill the destiny that was coded in me before i was brought to this world. Let me grabhold of it and not be shaken by circumstances.Through you will I achieve the impossible. Through you, this earth will change.

I dream BIG....because my GOD is BIG!

help

I am EXHAUSTED.
my scheduelle could not be any worse than this.
monday 9-4
tuesday 9-2
wednesday 9-6
thursday 9-6
friday 9-4

erm hello? its uni~! isnt it suppose to be relaxing while having less contact hours at the same time?
funny how i chose this course thinking it would be the easiest course in the world having just to push a button to take an x-ray and poof u get money for it..haha

now i realize how wrong i was. well i took my 1st x-ray today. that was pretty easy. wonder why they made life so difficult by expecting us to learn
how to make x-rays
how x-rays work,
knowing every bone , joint and muscles in our body
interpreting x-rays
learning about the chemicals in our body.

basically from what im learning, i could basically build a ct scan or an x-ray machine when i finish this course. not forgetting becoming a doctor and a physiologist at the same time. I always get the hard subjects dont i.

well on the good side of it, there's double the amount of girls in comparison to the boys in my class =p. well the term "girls" and "boys" is pretty naive considering the fact we have some adults in our class.

i need space. i need time to breathe. 2nd week and im already struggling. Im not struggling to keep up, im just struggling to find time to breathe

im burnt out.help.

Women

how was my wedding? well...sorry chez...there wasnt any of my "type" there. speaking of my "type", i have only met two of them while working as a sales representative. well there was one girl who was younger than me by a year... how do i know their age? well i love my job. ahha in my line of work, i get to know everything about them...from birthdates to bank accounts and credit cards ...to whether they are single,available,married or having a partner. hahaha!

well this chick that was younger than me...but she was married. dang~!

oh wells life goes on~! ahaha.

while im still single, im enjoying my freedom.....yet something in me longs for something more. I dont think im ready, but I want to be ready.haha yet I want to be single. I enjoy playing this tug of war within me. I am aware of my confusion or am I confused of my awareness. ahah

God, please bring her in a box at my door step. It will make life so much easier.haha

maybe a label saying

To: Sean

Hope you enjoy this gift

From : God

That would be nice.And probably make my life much much easier.haha



NOt forgetting a warning sticker attached to the box saying :

enjoy

I feel...incomplete. ahha !
its great having two managers fighting over me. and i feel priveledged having the area manager to get involve to solve the problem between the two managers. hahah
putting all the fuss aside, its valentines day...and i feel incomplete somehow.haha hopefully this feeling will leave soon, i wanna be single for awhile...help me. lol~!
till then, im enjoying work more than ever.its my field in getting to know more people.

wait

Is it right to take something that is not mine yet ,..but destined to be mine in the future? Should I just sit and wait for it to fall into my arms or should I just grab it now. WHat is God's will? yes, I shall wait.

take me

how do you change something that cannot be changed.

1 corinthians 5:6-7
6Your boasting is not good. Don't you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough? 7Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast—as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed

but God, how do we get rid of them if they are the ones getting rid of us?What if the yeast is in control and the new dough just gets contaminated by stepping in?do we fight a never ending battle?Do we have the strength to carry on? is anyone tired of it? i am.

BUt yet in such situations you taught me patience and self control.you taught me courage.If there is one more thing that i ask, teach me love. Let me love.

another prophecy you gave me is coming to pass...it took a year for this to happen.am i happy ? no. i had always hoped that prophecy was a mistake.but i wrote it down anyways.now i see..you knew the end from the beginning.you, you are God and may you reign forever. This will not take my sight off you, but lead me lord into your arms.It is where i find comfort and warmth like no other.

takeme,hold me.