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wow...i cant believe its only been a week since exams ended.
ive been out out out!!!! sleeping at 3-5am waking up at 8am....4 hours sleep every day...insane!
why am i blogging? juz cuz i decided to take a rest today...relax..chill...get back my lost sleep. and tomorrow ill be flying again.

basically im home juz for my bed...then in the morning im off.results in 3-4 weeks. who cares bout results!! people are more interesting than results ahahah.

actually even on my "rest" day today...im gonna head off to find jobs.hahah so fountain gate it is in 5...4...3...2...1..

cya when i cya

lakjsddhasg;

its holidays!!!! and exam results are in a months time..!!ahhah crazzziiieeeeee
i think i got a bad average of 80% for all subs but hopefully that brings me somewhere.....no clue what study score that will bring me to.

but who cares....worst come to worst ill juz do science...

newaiz its hanging out time..signing off!

free

and so its over.Would i like to do year 12 again? never! never in my life will i do something as crazy as this. i dont like studying.i cant sit still staring at something for 30 minutes.i need to move.im active!

I noe i may have done badly but i dont wish to do it again.no no...never! got pawned by the specialist paper....really bad...ahhah!damn

what im expecting?a miracle.

oh wells. ive never felt so free before.aaah!

Miracles

yesterday was a healing service.Yes there were many miracles that happened.Praise God for that
but what irks me were the peoples attitude in that service.People began to look at the man who laid hands rather than the healer .arrggh i dont know where to start.

I saw this crippled man walked up to the altar.He was prayed for....and left the altar crippled.Then my thoughts began to stimulate.What about all that the preacher said earlier about no such thing as God's timing?the preacher said God would always heal.God would always say yes there and then.As my thoughts were running, i saw the mother of the crippled man telling her family that is was due to this crippled man's lack of faith.I felt disgusted.Disgusted that u would even condemn such a person.Disgusted that those words would even be blurted out.HOw low can anyone else go?
To walk to the altar was a step of faith!

I couldnt take it any more.I walked out of the hall.I began to think about it.It sounded convincing when he said how "it is not God's timing" sounds ridiculous.BUt as i thought about it further, God has his timing.

Ecclesiastes 3

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

It was further emphasized in verse 11 "He has made everything beautiful in its time"

Other verses that support this statement are
Jeremiah 31:31 , Luke 17:22, John 4 :21, JOhn 5:28, etc

NOt taking any credit off the preacher, but there were alot of good points.It was just minor stuff like this that I could not agree upon.

God has his timing for everything.Thats why he created time.Rapture itself is timely.

I dunno.I dont like people being condemn for their lack of faith when it actually is God's timing and God's plan.I have seen crippled people preaching the word and reachinbg to thousands and I believe that was God's plan for them.

Miracles are good, but should not be the foundation of our faith.Foundation of our faith should lie within the creator and perfector of it.Jesus

Honour

I found myself watching this documentary on muhammad ali. I realised how little we as a generation know about what happen 10-20 years ago. The war....the politics... decisions that had changed the world...yet, we know so little of and to some of us...being oblivious to it.

It is an irony that we all want to do something significant to make a difference in this world and yet we dont recognise what had been done in the past.We want something to be done for everyone to see but isnt it more essential for it to be remembered? The world trade center incident sparked a new moment for a revival to occur when millions would suddenly go to church. but what happened after that? We remember the incident but not the moment.the emotions,feeling...andrenalin that was there at that time.

How are we to change the world if the world does not give enough recognition for it?
Remember our past heroes and honour them...
until we learn to do that...then will the future honour us

my quote :

UNTIL WE HONOUR OUR PAST ONLY WILL THE FUTURE HONOUR US

.....

its 11.31 am... im scared.
specialist exam at 3pm.

how has the week been? scary. and for the next 2 weeks...scary..

but i cant wait for the brand new life after next week. then the thought of results a month later darkens the sky again.

ive decided to remain single till 21

You are near

Verse 1 :
----G-------------D
Looking back at things
---C ------------ G
I wish I'd never done
--Em ---- D---- C
I wish I could forget
--G----- D
I try to see
------C-------------- G
How all of these could fit
---Em ---D------- C
I guess I am just blind

Em D C

Chorus :

----------C------- D
When I open my eyes
----G------- Em
I begin to realise
------C---------------- D-------- G
Oh Lord I've been searching for you
--C------------ D
Show me your way
-----G --------------Em
So I'll never walk astray
----C-------- D------ G
I know that you are near


Verse 2 :
--------G-------------- D
When troubles may blind me
------C----------------- G
And problems cloud my sky
---Em-------- D---------- C
I wish you'd know how it feels
-------G---------- D
Whenever I lose hope
------C--------- G
Whenever I feel down
-----Em----- D----------- C
It's you who let me stand again

Em D C -> chorus

Song and lyrics : Sean Sim 2007

Falling

Verse 1 :
B F#
There are times when I'd always regret,
G#m E
There are moments I'd rather forget,
B F#
But beneath all that has happen,
G#m E
I'm still alive and breathing again..

Chorus:
B F#
When I soar above the sky,
G#m
I stretch to reach up high,
E
I'd be falling,
B
more in love with you,

B F#
When im trapped within my fears,
G#
The world would take me down,
E
I'd be falling,
B
more in love with you,

Verse 2:

B F#
I remember the happy moments,
G#m E
remembering the first sensation,
B F#
But most of all I'd always remember,
G#m E
The one who brings me through each day...


Bridge:

Days will come,stars will fade
but you will be my daily bread
time will fly and words go by
but your promises will never die...

lyrics by : Sean Sim
Chords : to be decided soon

silver coins

i had 2 silver coins in my pocket.I stared at the silver coins that laid on top of each other within my palm.I reflected back memories of how i had spent my own money in the past.Some were worth the bargain...some were not.As I looked up, i saw rows and rows of candies.There was one which I had my eyes on.It was a chocolate bar,coated beautifully and was shaped like a bunny.I could afford it.I had enough.I knew if I gave up these coins, I would get that in return.That was definite. BUt i held it back.I dont know why.

Few months passed, And i got back to the candy shop. I began to search for the candy again.I couldnt find it! I began searching more franticly.I asked the shop keeper. He walked down the aisle and took out a wrapping. It was the chocolate bar.I couldnt find it before because it wasnt recognizable.Its different now.Few months ago I thought it looked fine.BUt now it looked different.It diddnt look tasty anymore.Maybe its the new wrapping the company made.

Im glad I kept my silver coins.Its all i have left.I may not know why I held it back but Im thankful for it.

pressure

If u ever see me and I didnt stop to say hi....or maybe I ignored your greet, its not becuz im ignoring you...no...its becuz the pressure of VCE is consuming me... If you think im acting a lil different lately...i hope you understand...If i dun socialize or mix around much..I hope you understand....
If i diddnt give enough attention to anyone in particular...Im sorry.

If you see me online and raging at every minor thing.I hope you understand....Give me time...in one month, when all this is finished, ill be back to my old self...no. Ill be better than who i was.Give me time.Dont get offended by my unconscious ignorance.Dont misunderstand.

Prejudice

The felony of society is not the various physical crimes committed by man but simply the undercurrent assault we tend to shoot unconsciously due to how we have been culturally brought up. Culture is something no one is exempted from.The question is are we here to break another culture in an effort to impose what we think is culturally right?Are we here to impose a so called biblical culture at the expense of introducing Jesus to them?My point is.... sometimes we get too consumed in trying to change another culture and miss the whole point of reaching out. What irks me deeply is the fact that people around the world are not divided by materialism or purpose but simply by our views about others.

Unconsciously we tend to generalize people into groups.Mostly according to their birth place and at times skin colour.The devastating effect has now evolved into a culture itself where we generalise groups of people and derogate a certain level of respect from them.If there is something I cant stand, it would be the prejudices of society.I really dont need to give examples because you would be able to see it happen everyday.Just open your eyes.

Sometimes we criticize another culture of being morally wrong.Sometimes we find ourselves saying "look at THESE people ..the way they behave..".We tend to generalize a whole lot of people.I know for a fact that maybe....just maybe for the sake of argument that the majority behaves this way BUT I believe that not all of them are like that.They are still human beings just brought up differently from us.

Even at church.People backslide because someone had been betrayed/back stabbed or whatever the reason is.. But we fail to see that even if someone else does not behave the way he should, it does not remove your own accountability with God.How silly would it be when you meet God and told him" I did not believe you because of him".Grow up!

I admit that I had a prejudice mindset....unconsciously.... but now I'm developing a hatred for it.I dont believe people's attitudes should be assumed from the race or skin colour that they were born with.I believe in individuality where everyone is unique.

Complexities of life

To freeze a moment in time and to see the gradual process of life,one would only be conclusive that if there was anything certain in life,it is that life is uncertain.To look back at moments where memories could relive the moments, causing the emotions within to stir as if it was happening in the present, I could see moments when I could be so certain of where I am heading and the next moment the insinuation of life engulfs the very confidence I had.

BUt the moments where I would be in doubt is not constituted by one, but many factors in life. But amidst these points of time I found assurance.It is not only at the lowest of highest point in life that you get to experience the reality of God but also at the points of inflection in life.Each time something had cropped up to cloud my mind from distinctive clarity of my purpose, I would only resort to one thing. I have learned that solving issues with human strength would only make things worst ...or at times make things just "ok". Never with our own capabilities are we given the inclination or the capacity to turn our problems into a victory.It is only by GOd , and through God.

When the tides start to rise beyond our control, we feel intimidated and often lose hope. Experience has thought me that the best way....in fact the only way to overcome the impossibilities in life is to surrender.Surrender not to the circumstances but surrender to God.

It was not long ago when I had a "date" with God. I walked across the street to where a playground was.It was dark.as usual. I was often found alone at this hour at this place, each time I realize I could not handle the accumulation of the perplexity of life.Each time i managed to find time with God, I realize that it becomes my point of education by learning something new.My Christian walk is not grown through attendance of services but actually the quiet times I have with God.

This time it was something new.Something worth acquiring. As I lay down on the slide, I looked up into the sky.There were no stars.The clouds had covered them.I knew what God was telling me. The complexities and unaccustomed problems that I go through were similar to the clouds that covered the sky.It limits my perspective of life and focuses my eyes on the problems and not God.But the stars were there. I knew the stars were there but I couldnt see them. Then God spoke to me " Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

It struck me that although I could not see beyond the problems, I had to have faith that behind them.....

There was God.

The challenge

HOw this year went for me....

I looked at her and pondered about it.It took weeks for me to decide.THen i looked at her again.YEs. Ive decided.Its her that I want!

I remember enjoying what she has to offer.she was interesting...and challenging.I like challenges.BUt little did I know how challenging the challenge really was.I worked hard at it, I put all my effort into it.I thought that if I could get her, I would be proud of my achievement, surely I would be regarded highly.BUt it wasnt that easy.After all the hard work and effort put in....I failed on the 1st attempt.

That happened at the beginning of the year.After that failure, I never really put any effort into it.I diddnt know if I should try again.I failed over and over again.I got depressed.I thought I had it in me. I thought I was good enough for her....or so i thought.Is it even worth my effort to try again?She was playing hard to get.

I later learned that many have failed to get her in the past too.

It was only last month I decided that I was not going to concede defeat.The last failure I had showed a glimmer of hope.There was a chance I thought.I could see the door was left slightly ajar and I was ready to charge in.I would take every opportunity.

I began to build up my courage and started putting effort into it once again.

And 1 month later(today).....I have her!

I know by now u will be asking who is this girl.hahaa

And because im in a good mood im going to tell you...

Its...its....Specialist maths!

haha! sorry to mislead u guys

what actually happened?

well ive been failing my specialist maths the whole year which is below 40%
after failing my first test, i actually gave up.
Then i started working at it last month and from 30+ all along....now i had a 70%!
A jump of 40% with 1 month worth of effort...ghaha
hopefully it has the same jump for the end year exams!
the story was actually the same as the above. Just replace the "she/her" with "specialist math" and you'll get the idea.

Take me away

WHat i want to do after VCE? get out.

Away from everything close to me at the moment.

Away from my thoughts.

Away from people I know.

I want to do something different.Something meaningful.

I want to go into jungles, cut bushes, set up tents and preach

I want to bathe in rivers.

Get a diving license.

Make friends with those the world neglects

Make friends with prostitutes,gays, lesbians, criminals, sinners

I dont want to bring them to church but to bring the church to them

I want to be used to raise the dead,heal the sick, cause the lame to walk, blind to see

I dont want an average christian life.GOd forbid it.

I want to be different.unique.

I will get criticized and my motives questioned but I dont care what others think anymore.

oh.Send me away.open doors. Take me away.

Back again

I gripped the steering wheel.Both hands were parallel to each other.Veins could be seen petruding out of my hands.I had my eyes focussed on the road.I could feel my sweat tingling around my eyelids but I remained focus.My left foot was balancing the clutch with my right foot on the accelerator.I was ready.Any time now...3...2...1....GREEN!

i sped off from the traffic light with my accelerator pressed towards the floor...the car was moving at top speed.Then came a T-junction.I didnt know which to choose.I couldnt decide.I stopped.I looked to my left...then to my right...Both seemed right to me but for some reason i went left.Later on down the road i realised that turning right wasnt that good afterall.I dunno why...maybe it was my gutt feeling that told me to turn left and I just went along with it.JOurney down the left road from then on was fun and exciting for the first few moments of driving.I enjoyed the scenery.I even stopped by some places.I spent quite an enormous amount of effort on that road.It was fun.But soon I came to a cross junction.

I could go straight and continue on the same road or i could make a left or a right.I looked to my left.I looked to my right.I looked straight ahead.my gutt feeling wasnt there to help me this time.I got out of my car and stood at the intersection.I waited for quite sometime and still couldnt make up my mind. i shouted to the right.nothing. i shouted ahead.nothing.I shouted to the left.I could hear a faint sound.probably it was my echo.but heck at least its something. I got back into the car and turned left.

It was a short journey.I diddnt noe if i enjoyed it.there was nothing much to see.nothing much to look around.probably that sound i heard was my own echo after all.i thought of making a U-turn.BUt i went on the road in hope that something out of the ordinary would happen.Time passed and nothing ever did.I started thinking to myself.Maybe this is the wrong turn.maybe I am just wasting my petrol but if I turn back, I would be doing double the trip and that would be even worse.I turned on the radio and it was not long before I saw a left turn.

It was a detour! Without having a second thought i took the turn.The road looked familiar. now.wait.I know this road.Wait.Isnt this....no....no...it cant be..then there was the traffic light...again. 3 left turns brings you back to the same place. ANd now here I am at the traffic light.back to where I started.

*if u understand...good on you. dont bother asking me to explain my analogies cuz theres a reason why its told that way =p*

rambles

i am sleepy.....
thnx for the company btw
hmm i feel like ....doing ballroom
actually to be specific...i wanna do waltz....slow and sweet...
nah im not interested in classes...just wanna learn it off someone or probably find a video and try to imitate the routine... but i need a partner...haha

teachers

Have you ever had a dream, and you woke up still thinking about it? It was one of those moments when I could just recall the teachers that God had put into my life to educate me to what I am this very day.In my dream I could remember kindergarten and primary school teacher's names, I could recall their characteristics, Their actions and there is always a moment of them that was captured in the memory bank that you could replay over and over.

I wonder what could I say to them if i met them now?
maybe to my kindergarten teacher it would be..
" You would know me as pas.kelvin's eldest son.I was your student from 1992 to 1994.I remember having different roles in your concert production.One of the most fond memory i had was being a prince and dancing with a princess only to twirl the princess to the ground..ahah i was probably a really bad dancer."

man that just reminded me....her name was Esther i think.and that was the last time i saw her.I dont know if its even possible to find out what she's doing now.It'll be interesting.

aaaah~! i feel the need of catching up with people that I havent met for more than 10 years.

to my primary school teachers i will probably be...
"hey , you might not remember me very well since you might have thought 100 over students but I was one of those student who sought after attention.You only can get attention if you're very smart or if you're a pest.Well I was probably top 10 in school but was never really the best so i resorted to being a pest.=)It was a good thing I diddnt kill anyone at that point of time..ahah."

If i ever go back to malaysia...my mission would be finding my kindergarten and primary school teacher's e-mail.

God bless all the teachers~!

Conference dance

sidenote :
- done at the closing of conference
- almost perfect dance routine
- different ending than the other video
- recomended to watch in preference of the other video
- good sound quality




Side note :
- done on tuesday...beginning of conference
- the sound is very soft...need to turn up the volume
- some hilarious mistakes
- bad sound quality
- slightly different ending

The toy car

I had left my toys behind.Some had been thrown away,some given to others and some couldnt be found.I found myself looking from afar admiring a slick black toy car.It was far beyond my reach.I know I would never have that.Some toys are just out of bounds for me.Even toys have been biasly priced to divide the rich and the poor. I looked up to dad and said "I know it is impossible ,but if there is anything I want that would make me happy, I would only wish for you to give me that toy car". In my mind i knew it was impossible.Dad kept quiet. Few months past, I read up magazines and manuals about the car and I found it to be flawless.It was the perfect deal and it was definitely in demand.Suddenly Dad came to my room...with a box,in there...was the car i had longed for.Something I would have never dreamed of.I took care of it,polished it and did my very best to preserve it.

MOnths past and I found the toy car to be not as perfect as it seemed.I found flaws.Soon the car was worn out and I could not play with it anymore.I sought other options.I went back to the same supermarket and had another look around.There ,2 toy cars caught my eye. I diddnt know which one to pick. both had their own advantages.both were in demand and had only 1 left of each in stock.if i did not make up my mind fast enough, both toy cars would be gone.I couldnt make up my mind, I went back to dad.Dad looked me in the eye and asked what happened to the car he bought a few months ago."it isnt working" i replied.

Dad looked deep into me and said "be patient my son, put your trust in me, I am making a toy car that will be suitable for you.I know your character,Ive seen you grown I know what you like.Some toys may seem perfect to you out there because people advertise it but because I know you by heart, I know what kind of toy cars you like.In time, I will hand it to you.For now, I am still working on it.Be patient."

I looked back with a teary eye and said " I have nothing to play with now....It is hard to wait.....but I trust you"

the narrow road

Full of excitement and joy i entered.Suddenly there was a rush of wind .Everything changed.I saw from the corner of my eye.there it was,sculpted beautifully . it stood in the middle of the room.It reminded me of things that happened,memories i wish were never history.I remember that I could see it coming to end this way.I tried hard to protect it.I warned.I could see every step that was going to take place but I was powerless to stop it.I felt hopeless.

As I pondered longer I began to reconcile memories of people that have gone through the same path, each took a different turn in life but ended at the same dead end.Oh how true it is ," small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." oh how easy it is to step out of the road...how easy it is to make a wrong turn...Jesus said, "Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to.

Oh God, I asked for spiritual eyes and I thank you for granting me what I asked for.BUt oh God seeing these things that happened and things that are about to happen just causes my heart to cry out.I'm powerless to stop it.... my heart aches for them.I could see a sea of faces, each one falling off the narrow road due to circumstanced reasons. God ,my heart aches...There is an emptiness in my heart.....and it is for the lost.

Send someone oh God, if it is your will, send me.
I had a dream about you,but I'm shy